Story was written in first person by an anonymous person.
I have a boyfriend that grew up with me. His name was Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went on a club trip. I found that I fell in love with him. Before the trip was over I took a step and confessed my love for him. We became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were always so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl...
"Jin, do you wanna go watch a movie?" I asked.
"I can't."
"Why? You need to study at home?" I felt disappointment grab me.
"No... I'm going to meet a friend..."
He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word 'love' only came out of my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say 'I love you' before. To us, there weren't any anniversaries at all. He didn't say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days... 200 days...
Everyday before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don't know why...
Then one day...
Me: Um, Jin, I...
Jin: What... don't drag, just say...
Me: I love you.
Jin: ...you... um, just take this doll and go home.
That was how he ignored my 'three words' and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday filled my room one by one. There were many...
Then one day, it was my 15th birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. Lunch passed, dinner passed... and soon the sky was dark... he still didn't call. It was too tiring to keep looking at the phone anymore.
2 AM, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and ran out happily.
Me: Jin...
Jin: Here... take this...
Again he handed me a little doll.
Me: What's this?
Jin: I didn't give it to you yesterday so I'm giving it to you now. I'm going home now, bye.
Me: Wait wait! Do you know what today is?
Jin: Today? Huh?
I felt so sad; I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happened. Then I shouted... "Wait!"
Jin: You have something to say?
Me: Tell me; tell me you love me...
Jin: What?!
Me: Tell me.
I put my pathetic self behind and clung onto him. But he just said simple cold words and left.
"I don't want to say... that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else."
That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb... and I collapsed on the ground. He didn't want to say it easily... How could he... I felt that... Maybe he is not the right guy for me...
After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn't call me although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That was how those dolls piled up in my room... everyday. After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that... I saw him on a street with another girl He had a smiled on his face, one that he never showed me... as he touched the doll... I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell... Why did he give me these... Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls... In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop out side my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I'm going to forget him, that... it's going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.
Jin: I thought you were pissed, you really came?
I couldn't help hating him, acting like nothing bad happened and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual...
Me: I don't need it.
Jin: What... why...
I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.
Me: I don't need this doll, I don't need it anymore!! I don't want to see a person like you again! I spat out my words that were inside me, but unlike other days, his eyes were shaky.
"I'm sorry," he apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over the road to pick up the doll.
Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!
But he ignored me and just picked up the doll.
Then...
Honk~Honk~
A big truck was heading towards him.
"Jin! Move! Move away!" I shouted. He didn't hear me, squatting down and picking up the doll.
"Jin, Move!
HONK~!!! Boom
That sound terrified me. That’s how he went away from me. That's how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me. After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him. After spending 2 months like a crazy person... I took out the dolls. Those were the only gifts he left me since the day he started we started going out. I remember the days I spent with him and started to count the days... when we were in love...
"One... two... three..." That was how... I started to count the dolls... "Four hundred and eighty four... four hundred and eighty five..." It all ended with 485 dolls. I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly...
"I love you~ I love you~" I dropped the doll in shock.
"I.....lo..ve...you?"
I picked up the doll and pressed its stomach.
"I love you~ I love you~" It couldn't be...
I pressed all the dolls' stomachs as they piled on the side.
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
"I love you~"
Those words came out non-stop. I ...Love...You...
Why didn't I realise that... that his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn't I realise that he loved me this much... I took out the doll under the bed and pressed its stomach, which was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had blood stain on it. The voice came out, the one that I was missing so much...
"Jo... do you know what today is? We've been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn't say I love you... I was too shy... If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you.... everyday... till I die... Jo... I love you...."
The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked God. Why do I only know about this now? He can't be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute... for that... and for the reason... to me... it became courage.... to live a beautiful life.
"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean that they don't love you with all their heart."
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