Monochrome

• Artist: Nurse Garland
• Description: wrote this a long time ago when i was upset over someone XD
  here it is for you
  [EDIT]
• Date: 12/17/2008
• Tags: monochrome

The blatant expression on your face.

It often gave you away...
Living life in monochrome, where everything fades
Where orders are received and life cascades
When butterflies die, I force my soul to subside
Yet the echoes of your voice, let me soar and glide
The air thick with pain, no joy
I cleverly hide, awaiting my tears deploy…
To live life monochrome … lifeless without emotion
I am forced to give you my hearts devotion

Comments

[abcsaremyfriends]

I agree completely with kitten240. Nice job!

[weezieishness]

Fantastic, I can totally relate to this. Love it.

[Coloratura]

I like the length, you said what you wanted to say, and your message was clear. great job!

[Kyrene1079]

I like the rhyme scheme, but llike johbot said, it was a bit short. I had to read it twice to really get what it meant. I don't know if that's good or bad, because I'm not very good at judging poetry (i prefer pose). But over all, I thought it was pretty good. Keep it up, and write more next time!

[kryptic_valiance]

oh and i gave you a 4/5 because i thought it was just a little too short...if you elaborated just a little bit more, i would have given you the perfect score. (oh baby, check out THAT rhyme!)

[kryptic_valiance]

i really like how you start everything with that one line:
"The blatant expression on your face."

the rhyming is good, but the meter is poor (not that i really care, im just pointing it out) and the image gave me a mental picture of what was going on. it's great! 4/5

[imarshmallow-dreams]

i like your poem but i cant see the reference pic..looks wierd anyway the poem was good but one thing on it in the middle line :"the echoes of your voice , let me soar and glide"...so it seems happy. then it jumps right back to being sad..which is good but just made me wonder was you going to make it happy or just decided to keep going with the sad? srry if i make no sense, just thought i would share my thought as i read it but very nicely done.