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It is an irrevocable truth that war was always a game played by the gods of men. A redundancy begun by the holiest of kings and played by their loyal pawns, who then revolt and replace their holy king for one who drags them to a pit below the former; daylight burning up their wasted lives, thrown like cockroaches at one another,. Their spilled life will shine in the daylight, forever. That is the history of the human race in full. That is the greatest truth ever to be hidden from the hearts of modern men. Only present in past dreams, in the thoughts that were forcibly taken from them.
When the system of a single king was rendered unfruitful it was the duty of the pawns to bring change to their new world. Thus all became kings. Then the name of pawn was lost; none was above another. And all became gods. They saw their fresh world; a new age was upon them, a time to build upon the solid foundation of nothing. That was all they had left at the time.
It was a summer evening in Snowshill.
“How wonderful is the smell of nature at this time of day!” said Aria cheerfully.
She surveyed the farm’s land. The wind whistled through the fields of grain, and as the sun went to rest it gave a last ray of light, turning the brown field into a range of gold, enclosed by a pot of emerald.
“How absurd it is to call the works of the earth wonderful,” said Salazar while sniffing. He was a grand cynic but didn’t really mean to be; Aria was used to it.
They sat. The sky was of three shades of purple and two of red. But the darkness caught up. It caught up and it swallowed the heavens.
“It’s funny; the sky is most lovely right before it’s lost,” she said.
“Nature’s all the same. A cycle of beauty and death,” said Salazar, “but inside it’s really just as ugly as it smells, and it certainly smells odd.”
“So you don’t think that was a beautiful sight?”
“I think only humans can make beautiful things.”
They lay on the brown fields looking up at the empty sky. Stars now were popping up in the dark sheet above them, gently tearing holes of light into the dark and lonely night.
- by Krayzie Se7en |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 07/27/2011 |
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- Title: A History of Miami: Prologue
- Artist: Krayzie Se7en
- Description: The prologue of a novel I've been working on. Enjoy, and please leave a comment.
- Date: 07/27/2011
- Tags: history miami prologue fiction
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Comments (7 Comments)
- fruit4you - 09/29/2014
- Good job, keep writing! smile
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- fruit4you - 09/29/2014
- Your last paragraph is spot on.Each sentence is simple with good diction, and they say what they need to say without being too laborious.
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- fruit4you - 09/29/2014
- "It is an irrevocable truth that war was always a game played by the gods of men. A redundancy begun by the holiest of kings and played by their loyal pawns" Vs. "and as the sun went to rest it gave a last ray of light" They both have very good ideas in them, but the word choice seems completely different. As if you worked on them months apart. You have a wonderful voice, but just work on using big words and interesting words only when needed. Too many elaborate sentences can give people headach
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- fruit4you - 09/29/2014
- A very jumpy story. The paragraphs don't transition well. Great beginning middle and end, but the sentence structure is lacking and so is the grammar. Although you have great word choice, your piece seems too wordy while there are some pockets where you use words that are too plain.
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- Krayzie Se7en - 07/28/2011
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Thank you!
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- Krayzie Se7en - 07/28/2011
- I didn't want to add any detail; it's only the prologue. I just introduced them. But more focus I wanted to put on the first two paragraphs, underlying the basic theme and plot of the rest of the novel.
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- Sekushii na Lexi-chan - 07/28/2011
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Quite stunning I must say.
Like Valkyrie and Silver, I was not distracted by spelling, grammar, nor syntax. I was able to focus on the text completely.
Your first two paragraphs were very engaging and commanded my attention instantly.
You seem to be very strong with your first two paragraphs, and that strength falters slightly with your beginning of the actual story. Maybe a bit more detail about Aria and Salazar?
That's just my particular opinion though.
5/5 - Report As Spam