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Chicago's BACK on the backburner-it's Connecticut's turn! |
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She would never have told me if I hadn't said something like that. -_-;
I'm sure of it.
Mom has the day off tomorrow, which I only found out after inquiring.
I only inquired after telling her about the party for Chii sama on Friday. It was obvious to me that she would be working that day, but then in response to something my brother asked her, she said she was working on Saturday.
Me: "So you're spending one of the week days off from work?"
Her: "Yup."
Me: "When?" (It should have been obvious to me by a simple matter of deduction from reduction at the time, but hind sight is always twenty twenty. -_- ALWAYS.)
Her: "Tomorrow, of course."
Me: "SERIOUSLY!? What are we gonna do? What are we gonna do!? X3"
Her: "... Well, if you studied the damned test, we could go to get your stupid permit tomorrow at the DMV!"
Me: *grins sheepishly, then thinks of something*
"But won't that be completely useless?"
Her: "No! Why?"
Me: "Because I'll be in Chicago. How am I going to use a California permit in Illinois?"
Her: "You're not. Simply put."
Me: "??!" *surprised at her adamancy and the sudden change of plans*
Her: "I told Chuy 'probably not.'"
Mom decided to tell my uncle "Probably not," even though I'd agreed to it. XD
In a way, I'm upset that she went behind my back and delivered a slightly unhonest answer in my name, but I also don't mind. If she says no (and, come on, how the hell am I going to get over there? We can't pay for it. >_< wink
she's treating me like a child again, even though she claims she wants me to start acting like the adult I supposedly am. e_e;
I still feel like a kid at nineteen, but as young as I am, I'm also pretty freakin' old here, guvna, so there's a reason.
After she told me that she refused the offer from my uncle, she told me about a bit of mail I'd received. It was a large envelope, and I smiled when I saw the origins of the envelope.
I took it into my room to read it, much to my mother's confusion and annoyance. XD
It was supposed to be my test results. Just the day before, I'd gotten a letter saying that it would take two or three more weeks for my results to get back to me. XD
It only took about twenty four hours! XD
So, they didn't show me my scores exactly, but I do know that I passed.
What was this test, exactly?
It was a writing proficiency test of sorts...
... A children's lit ability test.
I took the test online sometime last month just for shits and giggles, even though I took the test itself very seriously.
I went into it doing it for fun, but doing it was serious business until the very end.
Well, I passed, and now they want me as a student for their children's books writing school. @_@;
The tuition is just short of seven hundred dollars, and I need to apply before April 25th, but the classes start in early May. @_@;
Now... I have Fanimecon in May... XD
If it had been just about anything else, I would have skipped over the event with only a little bit of concern, but I prepaid for this thing. I'm going, even if it hurts me! @_@;
Maybe I won't prepay for next year so that I'm not obligated to go. I remember when I went just for fun.
It's not so fun anymore...
I'm just not finding it to be fun anymore. I can't seem to help it. *sweatdrop*
So, matera closed the door on one possibility that I was very willing to go into if my uncle could just be patient with me and wait for two or so months...
but because I opened up a can of worms, I'm now being given another opportunity, and she cannot necessarily deter me from this one. Only I can. *sweatdrop*
The thing is, although I'd like to do it, I probably won't... *sweatdrop*
WHY THE F*** NOT, YOU CRAZY BUT INEXPLICABLY EQUALLY TALENTED BIMBO!?
Because I don't have seven hundred dollars on me. I only have about a hundred and sixty six, which I've alloted towards Fanimecon (And I plan on having just a few dollars left over from that spending, too! Only a few, but it's still there! An amount!).
Even if I get the LIbrary Page job with the City of Hayward's main branch (perfect for me, if I may say so.), there are those issues.
I couldn't take the part time Library Page job if I was all the way in Illinois babysitting for someone else for just around a hundred dollars a week.
As for what's advantageous for me personally, I know I should take the library page job (if it's offered to me, of course. @_@).
It would be paying more per week, depending on the hours I am actually asked to work.
The hours would be flexible in the event of my going to college so that I can keep working for the library.
The benefits, as I'm told, aren't particularly special, but it's good for me for now.
I wouldn't have to drive there-I could easily walk. By god, I go there every tuesday on foot! It's not a far walk at all! (Well, there's a distance, believe me, but it's not that bad! A fifteen minute walk if you go a little fast, but roughly twenty minutes to twenty five minutes tops-never reaching thirty.)
And, obviously, I wouldn't have to leave my darling California to do it. @_@;
It's good for me in so many ways.
However, the Chicago baby sitting job leaves me resourceless in so many ways, and it also uproots me from my home.
Not only would college be even more expensive if I go to a college out of state-the jobs would be harder to do because I would have an instant job: babysitting.
There's no room for higher pay, which I couldn't bring myself to ask for in the first place, knowing their situation.
Even so, the job is essentially a twenty four hour job lasting every single day of the week. There's possible 'time off' on weekends, but that's very unlikely.
It's a live-in thing. *sweatdrop*
I'm cheap labor.
Thing is, the only thing this gives me is a 'nanny' credit, which I'm not really looking forward to, to be honest.
Don't get me wrong: I adore kids when they're nice, but I don't know how to handle myself when they start getting bratty.
I'm a giant teenage excuse for a kid: I'll start getting bratty right back. Either that, or I'll reprimand them.
In any case, I'll get annoyed and that's very, very bad. I don't react well to annoyance. I'll yell. I sing.
I cannot yell, or I ruin the voice.
I know it's superficial, but it's a thing of the territory. >.> (Read 'the territory' as 'the knowledge of how to maintain your own talent'. XD)
If these girls are normally good, I'll go into scientist mode and start experimenting on them. @_@;
I'll start teaching them bits and pieces of other languages, maybe teach them how to play different instruments when we come across them, and introduce them to different types of music, things like that. @_@;
Criminey, I'll probably read out loud to them, try to teach them to read (I'm such a horrible teacher, though! DX), try to teach them in general!
I'll go crazy on these poor girls educationally speaking, if their parents aren't around to bar me from trying to-by god!-educate their innocent children!
.... No, really, I'm afraid of that. I'm afraid that I'll try to enlighten these girls.
I know for a fact through self-study and careful observation that parents really hate it when others try to teach their children to think differently, no matter the view.
I know that bigots and racists will come marching up to yell at the person who taught their kid the truth about how senseless it is to hate someone for looking differently from them, or for something even less apparent than that.
It's been done-I'm not kidding, either.
I'm already on thin ice with Benny, and Benny is already on thin ice with me. If she starts looking for more reasons to hate me (and I'm sure she will), then I want her to hate me for who I am. At least then she'll have a good excuse. I don't want her to dislike me for what she thinks I am.
I would much rather have someone hate me from the bottom of their sad souls because of who I am and what I stand for, instead of hating me because of what they think I am.
It's funnier if they hate me for what I am not. It's not true. It makes them all a bunch of idiots, and I can call them as much at will while being completely justified.
Someone who hates me because they genuinely know how I am, who I am, and what I stand for and will not stand for is at the very least reacting on real knowledge and simply disagrees with me with the entirety of their being to the point of rejecting me completely. XD
I can't blame someone like that. *shrugs* n_n
Benny, to me, has already proven to be the type who hates based on senseless things. By taking her and Chuy's job of being The Educators almost unwittingly, I fulfill a role of essentially taking over for people who should be doing that job. I become a great influence to their daughters. I become the influence they were supposed to be.
My own mom admitted to me once that she had been jealous of Illiana when Illiana had been my baby sitter. Illiana had become a great influence to me and I'd liked her a lot to the point of almost choosing her over my own mother all the time.
Can you imagine how that must have hurt her? I can... and it brings tears to my own eyes thinking about it...
but I also understand that at the time it was nothing against her necessarily. I just felt closer to Illiana then. Matera was working all the time to support me, Henry, and herself even though she still lived with her parents. However, she sacrificed time with her children for time spent working, all to support the children she had to neglect.
It's not as bad as it sounds, I think, but the fact is that she wasn't always with us, and she was not always able to spend time with us. We had to turn to someone else to feed our souls because she was working so hard just to feed our bodies. *tearing up again*
*sweatdrop*
For me, those people were Grandma, Uncle Chuy, Uncle Junior, Uncle Tono, Illiana, and any friends I had growing up. Even though many of these people hurt me in the process somehow, they also helped me grow, and I can't thank them enough for that.
Poor grandma bore the brunt of it. xd
*crying*
As I said... I can't thank them enough. n_n;
...
Wow, did I get off track? @_@;
... Oh, here's the point I was trying to get across! XD
If jealous arises from me being a great baby sitter, I wouldn't be able to blame Benny, but I don't think I could take her hostility towards me at all.
I know uncle Chuy said he'd essentially try to deflect any verbal attacks on me if she tried, but he accidentally proved himself wrong to me in the same breath.
I love my uncle to pieces, but I don't want to cause more trouble then I'm really worth. *sweatdrop*
That besides, I'm a ruthless experimentor, so I won't be very happy if Benny tries to stop me from teaching her kids. @_@;
Wow.
I mean, I would love to get out of California and see new sights, but I'm fairly certain I know the smart choice is to stay here.
It IS the smart choice.
Even so, my heart begs me to take to Chicago, even though I'll likely hate it. -_-;
Oh god, all this rumination on the Library Page and Babysitting jobs and I almost completely ignored the children's lit school!
It's in Connecticut! @_@;
Hence the title. XD
It's six hundred and eighty nine dollars. @_@;
I don't have that money right now, and I need to apply before the twenty fifth via mail! @_@;
Holy Ship.... >_<
I think I need to sleep... XD
 Sakura Moonflower · Thu Apr 05, 2007 @ 08:23am · 0 Comments |
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