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So, some of you have probably been wondering if there's anything on my mind lately. I don't seem to be myself or something to that effect. Well, I can't really say that there really is anything wrong with me. All I can say is that I'm changing. Growing up. My mind has been making these changes without my consent or knowledge and I know that doesn't make sense, but it's something you'll have to go with. Many of you just consider me mature or calm, but I honestly think that it's just because my mind is making so many changes and tweaks that I can't keep up with. I mean, I don't even dream because my thoughts are always coursing. It used to be that I always thought before I spoke, but lately, I just seem to be throwing things out of nowhere. I don't even know where they come from, some untapped section of my brain more likely.
I've also become a better listener. That's actually something that I've purposely been working on. I noticed that I talked way too much and I didn't really process the things that people were saying to me because I was too busy talking myself. Thus, poor listening skills for the longest time; as long as I can remember. I feel it's time I worked on that; shut my mouth for once. I've been doing pretty well in my progress, but to every up there is a down. As you all know, I'm not the best person to come to when you're having a problem. With my finer listening skills, I find that people are coming to me more often with their problems and asking for advice. I've tried my hardest just because I feel that I have valuable advice to give, I just don't have a favorable outlet for said advice. It tends to come out in an unintended manner and people get somewhat confused and misunderstand me. Overall, I've become a shoulder to cry on. To be frank, that's not what my original intentions were but I'm not sure if that's a positive or negative issue yet.
To all of you huggers from the Sins out there. You know who you are, you persistent little buggers. So why don't I like hugs, you all ask? Do not take my rejection of this contact the wrong way. I still esteem most of you, and I don't see how the mere refusal of a hug could make you all believe that I think less of you. Bear in mind the kind of person that I am. Just because my arms don't find themselves embracing the body of another doesn't mean I can't have an enjoyable conversation with them. Yes, I do give hugs in real life. It's not something that I do often, though. Since I don't know any of you in real life, tough luck.
My next and last topic about myself I'm going to explain is my distaste for the word "sorry." This probably has to be the word I hate most in the English language. Sorry has become a word that people say just when they can't think of anything else to say. There's no real feeling behind it. It's an iteration that I despise and, of course, it's one of the most common words that people these days use. It's an excuse for lack of better wording. People say they're sorry because they don't want to have to explain themselves when they make a mistake, feeling that if they're sorry, everything will be okay and they won't have to accept the consequences that stem from they're actions. This is actually a recent personal discovery of mine. Growing up, when someone said sorry to me when I was upset or angered, it just got worse. I didn't understand it until now and frankly, I'm disappointed in myself that it took me this long. So if you read this and happen to be having a conversation with me at another time, please. Save me from having to yell at you for showing pity or feeling bad for doing something. I'm a very forgiving person and whether or not you apologize for something doesn't change that.
Now, even if you took the time to read all of the above explanations, I really doubt this will change your understanding of how my mind works. I really believe that this is one of the reasons that people stick around me. They wish to pick at my brain to better comprehend the machinations of it; such is the way of humans. Just know that I'm probably going to end up pushing you away and bear in mind that there is a very small chance that I will let you in if I haven't already.
 Drassielle Zallizare · Mon Jun 26, 2006 @ 01:26pm · 3 Comments |
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