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crying I had an atshma attack last night! It was really scary! *sniff* I want to hold onto someone and not let go... *sniff* Why do my parents not belive that I have asthma? cry I don't want to die from a really bad attack, or pass out. Or even have the samething as what happened last night happen. *shudder* that was really scary... My heart was beating really fast and so hard that it hurt. I couldn't breathe, I was going numb, and I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't even stay still during the attack, I had to hold onto my bed so I wouldn't fall off from how much I was moving around due to the pain of it all.
Have you ever had your heart beat so hard that you can hear and feel it, or been gasping for air and couldn't get any? Have you ever had pain going through your arms and legs so you kick and trash about, but have to keep quiet? crying I was so scared! If I ever needed anybody, it was then! There were people around for my attacks during school, but NO, noone does anything about it except Will, and he was kind enough to offer me an inhaler. (my parents don't belive I have asthma, so no inhaler for me!) GOD! I almost passed out once during English! And noone freaking noticed! I was gasping for air in ROTC (while trying to twirl a rifle and NOT hit myself or someone else) and only Eric noticed because he was standing right next to me and noticed I was swaying and I keep taking quick, short breaths. I had to tell him afterwards that I was having difficulty breathing, and THEN he tells me that I should sit out. I had a really bad attack on the first day of Suessical rehersal, and what do ya know? Will is kind enough to offer me his inhaler, nothing helps, I get told to calm down (kind of hard to calm down when you relize you cannot breathe and your whole body feels numb), I'm trying to grab Aleigh because I began to feel dizzy and my whole body became fully numb and I was feeling cold. AND SHE KEPT BRUSHING ME AWAY!!! And my parents idn't notice that I was shaking when I got home because I ran or something like that, NO I was shaking because I STILL felt numb. TWO HOURS LATER MY ARMS WERE STILL NUMB MY GOD PEOPLE FAIL TO SEE WHEN SOMEONE RIGHT BY THEM IS GASPING FOR AIR!!!!!! I noticed when my friends didn't feel good, and that's stuff like thier paler and then I check their temp just by touching thier heads, and I ACTUALLY HELP! ONLY RAYMOND NOTICED MY ATTACKS. HE HAD TO POINT IT OUT TO THE REST OF THE GROUP THAT I WAS HAVING TROUBLE BREATHING! stressed I want to yell at the injustice of it all! Why is it that when I already have a bad, or stressful day, or something bad is sprung up on me, I HAVE A F/(l<ing ATTACK?! >< stressed GODDAMMIT! I HATE MY CRAPPY BODY! I WANT ONE THAT ACTUALLY WORKS!!!! I WANT TO BE ABLE TO BREATHE, TO EAT ALL THE SUGER I WANT AND NOT DIE! TO DRINK REGULAR SODA!!!!! I WANNA BE ABLE TO SEE WITHOUT GLASSES! Hell, I at least want to see with glasses! stressed
ok, I'm all ranted out. now I just need to do something about my sholders, they hurt right now... sweatdrop
 lisa the school girl · Sun Jun 25, 2006 @ 07:07am · 3 Comments |
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