Someone once said that God doesn't give you anything that you can't handle.
...does getting upset and crying in the shower over having to take medication 'handling it', would you say?
I just feel like I've been given this body of mine without the slightest notion of how it REALLY works and how I should REALLY take care of it.
I clocked in at 199 pounds at the doctor's office today, with shoes, pants and a shirt. My BMI is just at the level where you're supposed to talk to your doctor about weight loss.
I haven't stinged on the exercising, I think I've just managed to eat more. ********.
Saturday I felt beautiful. This afternoon I felt like a freak. I'm also pretty sure that the difference in pounds between the two days is almost nonexistant.
The doctor gave me asthma medication. Not just inhalations, but nose spray. One probably would have been annoying enough, but two for some reason is just wreaking havoc. Part of me is yelling at me to just ******** toughen up and get over it, since lots of people have it way worse than I do and I'm just being a ******** spoiled child.
The other part of me starts doing this ramble in the shower about how I have a body that I don't know how it works but I use anyway, how I have a computer that I don't really know how it works but I use it anyway, and how I USED to have a car that I pretty well had no ******** idea how it worked but I used it anyhow. So my confusion is this -
Why does God like to watch us pathetically try to use and understand things we can't comprehend?
Whose nutritional guide is right? What is ACTUALLY best for my body? Why do I need all these meds? Is there a more natural way? And why do I get so upset over adding a little thing like meds to my daily routine?
I missed Palm Sunday at church, and I feel guilty for it.
I feel pathetic for crying over medication, and stupid doctor's appointments that I have to make, and how it's on the other side of town, and how you can't phone in for repeats anymore. I hate thinking about how all my dental and medical stuff is going to be all ******** crazy when I move out of town.
Yes, I said when. I'm not going to Confederation College if I've been accepted at Sheridan! Then I have all those universities... ><
I just want to fit into my ******** clothes again! Why is it so damn hard? I used to be able to relatively eat what I want and it was okay! What's happened? Am I eating more now? Am I eating junkier? I'm TRYING, and I'm ******** trying so HARD and I don't want to buy a whole new wardrobe. I want to fit into my godamn pinstripe pants!! I want my BMI to be normal! I don't want to have a worry session and breakdown every time I step into the doctor's office!
Even after the blood was taken, I just felt like I needed to keep crying. Like I'd been betrayed or something - ********, I don't know. The arm hurts less now, at least.
 Renee the Rabid Squirrel · Tue Apr 11, 2006 @ 03:25am · 2 Comments |
