*meant to be posted on Friday Mar 3, 2005*
I've had an up and down day today, lots of crying, lots of world-is-turning-upside-down feelings. Also a lot of I-am-incompetent-because-I'm-not-perfect-right-away feelings. To be able to just work with people right away and have that togetherness feeling is especially hard for me. Even if I'm not on the outside, I sometimes put myself in that position, or at least perceive myself as such. It helped to walk home and talk to mysel. I don't know if I actually ironed anything out. I did decide something though, and it's the dawn of a NEW ERA.
Starting today, I will be going on the exercise bike for half an hour every day. EVERY day. Since limiting food doesn't work, I'm amping up the exercise. This is in ADDITION to walking to and from school whenever the weather allows.
I don't like the fact that I've put on nearly twenty pounds since the summer of 05. I don't like the fact that I can no longer fit into my pinstripe pants. I am going to drink more water and less juice. I am not going to eat six cookies in one day. Well, the cookies might be a little harder, but the exercise I'm sticking to.
I mean, I don't see the point in trying to do myself up for someone else - I do enough things for other people already. I'm still mad at myself for not sitting and drawing for hours simply because I want to, or writing out a poem or song or story simply because I want to, or practice the violin or piano of my own accord simply because Iwanted to.
I finally finished a fanfic for a friend. That feels good. I probably could have done better on it - I didn't even proofread the whole thing, for ******** sake - but it feels so good to have it done. I'm also working on another fanfic for a friend; I get gold/letters for it, so if anyone wants some fanfiction in a genre I happen to know...get out your gaian riches. xd
I have a party tomorrow! My friend's high tea/birthday party! That will be fun.
My hair doesn't curl the same way it used to, and I'm becoming insanely jealous of my friend Kyle's hair and its inherent natural curliness. Grr. evil At least mousee brings it back to its former glory, if not further...but STILL, I used to be able to wash and go! I can't anymore... crying C'est la vie. I don't want to give it up, but sometimes it's a pain to go through.
I just burped, and I can taste the banana from dessert. surprised
 Renee the Rabid Squirrel · Mon Mar 06, 2006 @ 03:35am · 0 Comments |
