So for the first time in my life, i get into a deep conversation with my dad.
One that would be even too deep to have with my mum. Questioning his morals comparing
to mine, understanding his expectations and beliefs. And well he expects me to do in
this life whatever will please me, because it will effect only my happiness in the end.
Eventhough i didnt learn anything from the conservation, my judgement from good and bad
is still the same. I reached a point where i had to ask about those modern stuff going around.
Its not so modern, infact these evil theories have been dated centuries ago. He warned me no to
get into such things, especially at this criticial age, "i cant hold something my mind cannot take."
Its true, but ignoring harm for the sake of truth is what i cannot abandon. I truly can lose my
mentality very soon because of the limit i am pushing it to. Ive already got enough stress with my studies,
and more stress to make time for my passion which should be considered as a 'hobby' and time for other
lifes demands. I feel it choking me. Nevertheless is time.
By the end of the conservation, i felt like this happened for a reason; might be the last time i talk to him,
and look what it turned out to be. But, i hope, thats exxaggeration. the silence will kick in again.
He walked off into the kitchen away from the living room, hearing him murmur to himself 'she really is gonna lead herself to complete insanity'
I wished i didnt have a 'big brain' and 'big heart' it has consequences, because knowing reality and the truth can be hard to bare,
why am i still under this mental pressure i dont know. 'i should get used to it'. Ive been recommended to visit the school councilor twice {sigh.
Apart from humiliating, im scared for myself.
 Le Porcelain Doll · Mon Apr 12, 2010 @ 01:47pm · 0 Comments |
