My love was the first thing to go. He took that with him. He couldn't refuse it; it was his to begin with. The second was my hope. If he didn't want me, who would? But I pushed aside the pain and didn't let it soak in. The next was all my logical thought because without him, nothing made sense. We had so many memories from the year and a half that we were together. But I couldn't let him see that I was losing it. I needed him to think that I was okay. I couldn't let him know that I missed all those times when he would call me just to say, "Good morning," or "Good night," or "I love you." The last things to leave me were my tears. They refused to let go. They refused to let me move on. They stayed bottled up inside of me until I burst. I cried those tears today. With those tears came the pain of losing him. It all crashed down on top of me with that first little sob. Everything's gone now. I have nothing left except my heart. Yet, no matter how fragile, how broken, how torn up and left behind it is, it still beats. I'll find new love. I'll renew my hope. I'll gather up all my logical thought. And hopefully, I'll cry new tears. But next time, they won't be the last thing to go. They'll be the first. I don't have to be strong. And being strong in the face of heartbreak can be a very hurtful thing. The stronger I am at first, the harder it hurts when I give in. Most people who read this will know who I am talking about. I don't feel angry or hostile toward him. I still love him, no matter what. Nothing can change that. But he needs to know that I'm moving on. I've finished crying, and I'm sending this message straight to him. Thank you for loving me through the good, the bad, and the definitely ugly times. You did something for me that no one else had before. And now I can spread that to someone else. You may not understand why, but I'm sorry. And remember that I love you, no matter what.
 Beauty from the darkness · Fri Nov 20, 2009 @ 11:08pm · 0 Comments |
