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I could never leave her! X3 (I would never cheat her) |
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California. She's my priestess, I'm your priest.
(That's the second song I've quoted already! XD I'm good, ain't I? >D
First: "Dystentary Gary" by Blink-182 (I think it was Dysentary Gary... It might have been another song. A lot of the songs blur together for me since they tend to be similar to one another. The songs I'm talking about are from their Enema of the State album: a fun punk rock album to just mosh to, but the songs contain very little variety. Get used to hearing a lot of the same riffs and being hesitant to name which lyrics come from which song. Actually, Aliens Exist is fairly unique from the rest, lol. I think I even know all of the lyrics to it... O.o; )
The second song I quoted is from Dani California by the Red Hot Chili Peppers (They're red hot! =D I discovered about three years ago that I really love this band and have loved them since I was a kid. I just didn't realize I was listening to their music, but I had always loved it. O.o; My favorite songs by them though I didn't know the music was by them were Under The Bridge and Higher Ground. I still love these songs, but Under The Bridge is a long time favorite. I related to the loneliness expressed in the lyrics, as it was evocative of my daily life without a real companion to depend on-friends or family... u.u *emoslash* XD)
But, it's true. ^_^;
I didn't really have any friends when I was in elementary school. People were too busy teasing me and mocking me relentlessly to bother wanting to get to know me..
and I was always a strange person, even as a child. Weirdly smart, but still naive. I'm pretty mucht he same, just with a bit more world knowledge crammed into my head from back then. O.o
So, why did I title the page like this?
For some reason, I was thinking of all the natural beauty my beloved birth state has to offer, and after reading a friend's post about how much said person hated their home state, I couldn't help feeling blessed for how much can be done in mine.
With friends, I could go down to the trail (Hell, I walked down it with Otaku to get to DarkWolf's house just a couple days ago. About three miles, and two of 'em-technically all three of 'em- are uphill. Are you jealous? Don't be. I was halfway dying by the third uphill mile, lol.
XD
I lose my mind when I stress my body under the sun. I am a random person by nature, but at least what I says makes some sense in some context.
At that time, after getting to DarkWolf's house, I was pretty much babbling, and laughing about absolutely nothing. At some point, I started belting out Frank Zappa's "Why does it hurt when I pee?" while rolling back and forth on DarkWolf's bed. O.o;
That's weird, even to ME. D=
@_@;
Even by my carefully concocted standards, that was extremely strange and scary.
but, I cooled off and slowly became myself again. XD
Then, (I guess, tehcnically the day before yesterday?) we were walking around the city, from friend's house to friend's house, to the local training field/park, to Carl's Jr., to walking an old lady home (I'm not kidding... XD She was afraid of an older man that happened to be quite drunk and stalker-ish, so my group of friends and I walked her past the weirdo and to her home. Only one of us was a trained fighter. XD It should have been scarier than it was. XD Myself, Otaku, DarkWolf and Darkwolf's cousin were the escorts, and Otaku is the only trained fighter of us, although the other two used to brawl as children growing up... but, I mean, I kicked my brother's a** almost on a daily basis as a kid. He's an athlete-boy would whoop my a** these days. O.o wink to being picked up at some mechanic's station by DarkWolf's mother and getting a ride home. That was a fun day.... but I burninated by face. XD I wonder if this is what getting Botox feels like? O.o (the skin is tight and doesn't leave much room for being stretched. It huuurts. T.T )
Today (technically yesterday?) was rather quiet: I just spent the day with my mother for the most part, then drank her iced coffee at the end of the day.
I ish like derricious crunch, but I became lactose intolerant about a year ago.
I still consume milk products. I'm terrible to myself. XD
BUT, I heard you can get pills for that... >D
That's a pill I'd be willing to take. XD
(Pills so that you don't suffer the consequences when you eat a lactose based food like cheese... or milk... -.-; ... Ice cream... coffee....)
Actually, my stomach has been in knots for about an hour now. XD I'm in pain! ^_^;
but, I'll get better. O.o
Right now, I really need to work on my depression. crying ;
It's still moderate. T.T;
And I haven't been getting better...
I need to come up with a routing and some kind of commitment, but I couldn't think of what to do other than practice my guitar playing every single day. At the very least, dig up the primer I had and practice the scales that I sucked at so badly... or revisit songs and memorize them to the point of being able to perform them with some kind of adequacy. I was able to play and sing Red Rag Top by Tim McGraw with only al ittle difficulty.
All of the difficulty was based on my notes being clear. Some of them got messed up because of my fingering method, which can't be done properly because my fingers are too short to use the proper method.
(That's what she said! >D )
*rolls eyes*
I have to hold the guitar a slightly different way from the accepted position because of my short fingers. Otherwise, my palms would interfere with other strings and affect their sound.
Plus, the way I hold the fingers down causes them to tense a lot faster than would the correct method...
but it's very difficult for me to use that method for the reasons mentioned previously. T.T;
*sigh* There's actually been a lot on my mind. The guitar is a distraction, and truth be told, so is this entry. Just as would be implied by my day to day antics, the thoughts are random, and somewhat scattered, but a few linger, like my thoughts on the friend I talked about. I often wonder how that person is doing.
Then, I've been thinking about yet another friend who I haven't mentioned previously in this entry. I wonder if we're even friends anymore... I feel like the person has been deliberately ignoring me, or trying, and I actually don't know what I did to offend said person, other than that we had a fight that the person started over something extremely trivial, and it got out of hand.
I apologized, and I think that person apologized, but I think that person took it to heart, or just wants me out of their life.
I would feel bad, but I would get over it... I mean, it's not like I have much else to do, right?
But that feels so insincere to me, like I don't care enough.
Maybe that's the problem? That I don't care enough... or maybe I'm being unkind to myself again.
I always did have some trouble with decision making... DX
At times like this when I'm uncertain of myself, I don't know what to do.... I think, to slowly move towards a place I would like to be in the future, I could move slowly with the stream of time instead of trying to ardently to find a way to move against it. I've had years now. It's time to move in SOME kind of direction-that's how I feel- even if it's in a direction I really don't want to go.
I mean, what am I gonna do? Audition on American Idol and embarass myself and others with my lackadaisical attitude about trying out for a contest I don't even trust in?
Make an a** of myself by trying to go for some other dream and failing miserably for years and years, and never getting ANYWHERE with it? And I mean, NEVER?
I'm too scared to take the chances for the things I'd like to go for, and the things I'd like to go for require an extreme amount of faith, and the ability to take long leaps of faith that will often end in crushing disappointment. That is the reality of my dreams.
I don't think I have the self-esteem to bear with seeing myself as absolutely useless-and, being depressed, I have very low self-confidence and just enough self-esteem to not do extremely dangerous things to myself.... but it's low enough that I do other 'dangerous things' to myself, like putting my body in danger with an unhealthy lifestyle, even if I have become more active recently-granted, largely due to my fried car, but also because of the company I keep in Hayward.
They keep me busy, and getting a bit of sunlight never made anyone unhealthy or unhappy (Unless they were Japanese and or wanted to keep their skin pale. XD )...
So, how is this all related to California again?
Well.... I'm all sorts of actice in Cali, right? Because there's so much to do here... whether you're driving to a place to do something (The Midnight Monterey Run is the stuff of legends, but it actually happened... XD I made it all possible, and I'd like to make it possible. I am responsible for paying for the gas that night. I would not have made my friends pay for my silly idea... but it was an incredible and amazingly fun trip. Probably some of the most fun you can possibly have without being drunk. I'm a big fan of having fun without being drunk... but I've never been drunk. XD
I'm still an advocate.
I think what I'd like to try next is actually a trip to Los Angeles to just randomly drop in on a certain relative or two just to say "Hi!" before scattering around the city-maybe even going to Disney Land!-and then returning home... all in one day.... XD
That would be an incredible twenty-four hours...
but I would not make a friend pay for that either.
These are my spontaneous ideas. I actually did the Midnight Monterey Run, and I was the one who paid for that evening out. For something so extravagant, I would never ask my friends to pony up the cash. If it's my idea, and it's so extravagant (And these ideas are extravagant... XD), I want to handle the cash issue.
I don't want to make my friends feel used, nor would I want them to have to be used for my silly ideas for spontaneous 'fun'.
By the way, if you think it's impossible to get to L.A and back to Hayward in one day? You're mistaken. There's a shortcut to L.A from Hayward. You'll only drive, what? Four hours? I think it's six maximum. If we left, say, at midnight? We'd be there at six in the morning. That means, in the CITY, driving around with all that heavy traffic and all of those dangerous drivers.
The idea excites me instead of scaring me.
THIS is the kind of stupid risk I am willing to take; THIS is the type of thing I'm willing to risk my life for: Fun. Spontaneous, absolutely insane, unthinkable-to-the-majority-of-sane-people, incredible, wild, memorable fun. ^_^
It's the stuff good memories are made from. I'd also like to make a trip to Vegas to visit a family friend, and possible, I don't know, hit up a Black Jack table and a strip club. *giggle*
(The strip club? Just for the novelty of it, honestly. The same goes for the Black Jack table.)
Again, I would be paying for this...
.... if I had the money.... XD
Someday, I will make these psycho-sexy wishes become reality. =3
But, that day is not today, and certainly it's not going to be next week, or even next month, so for the time being I'm going to enjoy my balmy, Northern California summer nights and unthinkably hawt days.
^-^
Summer days, driftin' away to, oh! Oh, those Summer Nights! ^-^
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`
Get rich quick schemes that somehow might stand a chance of ACTUALLY working (f*ckin' lol... XD This is for my self-amusement, and, if it may so please thee, the reader's amusement as well.):
One: Write a song; sell it.
Two: Phone sex (or some other audial thing I can do with my voice, like voice acting. I don't think I have the seriousness or the straight face to handle phone sex. I'd get fired for cracking up each time I took a call. XD Therefore, the phone sex thing is actually just a joke because I seriously considered it for a few days before laughing about it. XD XD)
Three: get a friend to record me dancing and singing to one of my playlists without my knowing it; put the video on youtube; be embarassed by the thousands of hits surely to come as a result of the ridiculousness of it and make money off the video so I can make a trip to Italy with my friends. Preferably either Florence or Rome since I've been to both cities, or to Venice since I've wanted to go there for a very long time now and it would be a childhood dream come true.
Return to Italy... I'd have to take Adam with me then, lol. n_n
He hasn't been the same since a certain family tragedy. D=
I don't expect him to be. It was a serious blow. DX
But if I could offer my beloved friend some better memories in the form of such a wild time, I would like to take him along for this crazy plane ride. Maybe it'll remind him of better days (We went when we were both just seventeen years old. ^_^ We were on the Meditteranean tour as Student Ambassadors. XD ), and maybe it'll coax the old, confidant, wild Adam I befriended so long ago.
('m twenty-one now-so is he. We're both Rabbits, but he was born about five days after me, so he's a Capricorn while I'm a Saggitarius/Capricorn cusper. XD We're both out of our minds-or, used to be in his case. ._.;
Back then, my mother referred to Adam as the male version of ME. Speaks of his energy and attitude at the time, doesn't it? We were both pretty cheerful, but thinking about it, we might have both suffered from depression even back then. I know I was, and still am... I think it's a little bit worse for him now, but somehow he's dealing with it. I'd like to call him sometime and see how he's doing...
And, thinking on it, I'd like to randomly visit the ******** if I have the gas to do it. It didn't occur to me when I had the chance last because he lives deep in the mountains of... Los Gatos I believe.
I drive the Hayward mountain roads pretty consistently, but the ride to Adam's is VERY steep, and I doubt I'd have the courage to even try-especially at night with no light to help guide the path of a dark mountain road. I've encountered deer while driving on the mountain paths in HAYWARD. One time, at night? TURKEYS. Usually I would encounter the while turkey in the DAY. D= If I encounter them at all!
The mountain paths here are not that steep, and somewhat well-lit.
The road to Adam's, if I recall, is not at all lit. It's a lot of guesswork, and I've never driven there myself, though I rather owe it to him to try some time if I'm able.
I did promise him... >_<;
*sigh* Some day...
things I really need to do some day:
One: Return to Rome, Italy, and possibly molest the Virgin Fountain. (*giggle* That's what she said! >D)
Two: Bug the ******** out of Adam. In person. And risk being molested myself out of retaliation. (D= I love the guy: he's my friend... but NO! DX ... XD)
Three: Make a twenty-four hour trip to L.A then come back home. Maybe make it a weekend long so we get the best out of Disneyland, were we to go, or just go to the beach and take pictures in famous locales to prove that we did it, and take pictures throughout, Twenty-Four Hours style. XD (Like the show, I mean.)
It'd be better if it was all on video, though. X3
That'd be more ideal.
Three: Go to Las Vegas, kidnap the family friend, and hit up a strip club while cross-dressed. Even Otaku, who is a man, must cross dress! >D
.... but he'd have to use a fake I.D, as he is underage. >_>;
XD Maybe when he's of age? XD I'm pretty sure DarkWolf would be up to this idea. X3
Four: Drive the Lincoln Highway with a single Mix CD to encourage me.... and, someone's iPod. XD And several other CDs for when I grow tired of the mixed CD that I created. XD
That CD would contain songs like One Thousand Miles (Michelle Branch), Ciega Sordo Muda (Shakira), Ojos Asi (Shakira), Si Te Vas (Shakira), Ready Steady Go! (L'arc En Ciel), Spirit Dreams Inside (L'arc En Ciel), Revelations (L'arc En Ciel), and maaany more. o.o
I have lots of songs I know that make me think of a long drive. o.o
These are just a few of them... well, not Revelations. That's for randomness' sake. XD
The point of this is to wind up in New York and find a way to harass an old high school colleague for a short conversation before leaving her the hell alone. XD I don't want to be TOO much of a bother! XD
Besides, it's New York! Exploration should be a priority! =D
Five: go to Australia and stalk a friend there for yet another conversation before riding off for the Great Barrier Reef. Possibly get killed by a Manta in Steve Irwin's name.
... Better not do it, even accidentally... >_>;
That would be cruel, and humorless. D=
... but it made me smile when I wrote it. >_> XD
Alright, alright... XD
Six: Go to China; make Bernie go with me to be my awkward translator (his Chinese is imperfect, but I would be willing to trust him, lol.). I will make his motherland fun for him! =D I always find ways to make the boring a bit more entertaining. ^_^
(Have you noticed yet that all of these are my true aspirations, and they all involve travelling with friends? My posse, bishes! XD I really want to travel to other countries and just poke around, whether it's on my own or with friends, though I'd prefer with friends, hee. X3)
Seven: Go to Greece, and momentarily live in the Caldera. Confuse the hell out of the Greeks. ^_^
Eight: Revisit Spain and play a terrible prank on a rude Spaniard from either Barcelona or Madrid. They seem to be the most rude there (not all, but some where encountered.) What can I say? I'm a fan of socratic irony. I don't get to pull it off terribly often since the concept is sometimes difficult for me to grasp, lol. I'm still entertained by it.
Nine: Go back to Maui, and actually partake of the party aspect of 'The Party Isle.'
Ten: Incidentally, visit the Bahamas. Go to Kokomo and sing "Aruba, Jamaica, ooh I wanna take ya!' the entire ferry-ride to the island just to annoy the s**t out of my friends... XD
(To Bermuda, Bahama, cooome on pretty mama! Key Largo, Montego, Baaaby why don't we go? To Jamaica? X3 )
I was trying to remember, because I'd never seen Kokomo on a map before (Honest to god... o.o; )... how to get to Kokomo... and, I remembered the lyrics to that song by the Beach Boys. XD
("Off the Florida Keys" wink XD
That's where it seems to be. ^_^;
I'll take it's word for it, lol.
And that's where I wanna go. =3 Way down to Kokomo. X3
(That Monterrat Mystique! =D )
 Sakura Moonflower · Thu Jul 16, 2009 @ 09:35am · 0 Comments |
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