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Im Feeling sort of depressed, so i wont be on for a while, excuse me.
The reason im depressed, well, even if i explained id just seem selfish, so ill simply say, i feel left out alot, or maybe i was never supposed to be in the "Loop" and im just telling myself i am to be somone important, but if thats the case, then when someone asks me something, then i have the right not to tell them, even if we are supposed to be freinds, am i correct? if so, then this talk of freindship is nothing but Hipocrits, and backstabbers to have accomplices and stooges, i find it kind of funny actually, because i tell everyone about my happenings if they ask, because i always assumed thats what "Freinds" do, but ive just been putting myself at risk, and ive been dying to fight someone, but i didnt want to ruin everybodys good time, but now i guess i dont have to worry about that, people think im weak because of my appearance, but in reality, no one really knows anything about me, i only try to look weak because my appearance usually gives people the impression im scary, or sad, so im usually left out of activities, or not invited to parties because of my tendencies to get a little over board when someone does something, inevitably resulting in a fight, people also say im a pervert for being honest, in reality, im a GUY, but im a honest guy, and Partial-Gentlman, its pretty much impossilbe to be a full gentleman in this day and age, i try to smile, even though half the time it looks like a sneer, but it seems wasted, so i guess i shouldnt smil anymore, in this world, your expected to be like everyone else, or be outcasted, and unlike fairy tales, the outcast rarely gets some gift or something, or gets the girl, and for people who think they can look right through me, look at yourself first and tell me what you see, you cannot know someone else until you know yourself, and yes, ill admit, its hard not to get hurt, angry, upset, or bothered by what others say, i can say to myself 100 times "i dont give a damn what they say" but it holds little merit, i used to not mind being alone, in fact, i loved it, the silence, but freindship made me not want to go back, well what i thought was freindship, and i know what your thinking, "This gu is going to talk about his love life" and in fact, you are correct in a way, but how can i say this, i dont have one, atleast not anymore, most things seem so dull, yet i can see nature now, and actually hear the music, listen to it. as you probly already know, i love music and writing poems, not many people know about this fact, because they see a scary person when they look at me, and look at me like im about to do something wrong, i love writing poetry, bu i cant say that is my passion, more like a Heart Felt Hobby, in this world of passing glances, and expressionless faces, everyone vaguely sees a smile that comes from the heart. i dont think ive seen one since elementry school, when i was alone, and i watched everyone play. i go to school everyday a little nervous, trieng to shake the fact their are people who would love to jump me, but dont because my scary appearance, or my brother, who i hate from the depths of my heart. Even on my birthday, i want to be alone, i dont like telling people my birthday, but i but every year its the same, i spend my day at home, eating some kind of food, which is surprising because im so skinny, which is another reason people see me as weak. i dont hate people to easily, for some reason i cant, but i hate i cant hate like everyone else, its true, sometimes i have to go along with the crowd, but i do it to survive, if i dont, ill be laughed at, stuff stolen from me, if its a boy, ill just fight, if its a girl on the other hand, i cant do anything, i cant hurt a girl, i try my best not to, Emotionally or physically. ive confessed before, but i only did one proper in a sense, without tripping over my words, but i got rejected with my quesion being re-directed, and then laughed at. i dislike people with bark and no bite, i do both, if i say ill do something, then most likely ill do it. Hmm, oh, and dont try to be freinds with me because you felt sorry for me and you felt it would make your concious lighter, i am Very Odd, but i guess thats part of my persanality. Well, thats all, if you read this, then you know a tiny bit about me, but dont go thinking you know "Me'
 Bye-Bye-Crow · Sun May 03, 2009 @ 11:01am · 0 Comments |
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