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Day 4: Force- Fed ||| Day 5: Average |
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Day 4: Friday the 14th.
I hadn't ate the whole day, but My dad came home with Burger King, and i ate it. No choice mostly, plus before i could relize what i was doing, i was eating it. So IDk, that happens alot, and its awfuly annoying.
I gained back the 2 pounds i lost, and It upset me.
Later at night, I drank a health drink, FUZE is the companies name. Like SOBE. but differnter. And my stomach hurt badly. I stayed up untill 4: 30 am-ish, I talked to Savai on the phone untill 1 :20Am, but then (( even with a sleeping pill )) it took me a long time to accually drift into sleep.
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Day 5: Saturday the 15th.
I lost 3 whole pounds. O _____o
So now i'm closer to my goal.
But my body confuses me.
I eat ALOT. And then i know I'm going to gain wieght, but i eaither stay the Same or LOOSE wieght...
&i notice i loose weight in sudden-bursts of 1-5 pounds whenever i eat, and then don't eat for a while after that.
I've only gone 50 hours without eating anything b4 (( a lil more then 2 days )), And i would die to break that record, but I'm so weak.
I can't resist my curssed human desires. 16 to 20 hours is easy to go without anything to eat, but then one secound I'm thinking "I'm kinda hungry :l "
And the next I'm in my kitchen Eating something.
But luckily, I've gotten better at only eating in small portions. I hate when I binge.
Because when i binge, i eat more then a freaking cow, and I feel so discusted with myself while I eat, but i can't ever stop, no matter how horrible i feel.
I wonder constantly, Why is food such a curse. For almost 7 years I've had war with food. And what it does to me.
Is my entire life going to be so stressful when it comes to food?
Whill this War with Food ever stop...
Sometimes it feels like its just not worth it and I feel like taring out my stomach altogether, so I never have to fricken Fight with food anymore.
Its so draining to have to watch what i do, eat, 24 -7.
Its so life-absorbing having to in general wage war agenst my Nature of needing to eat.
I hate food. I hate eating, and the way it feels to taste and chew food. I hate feeling food inside me, I hate all of it.
.... Well, Go Hunger.
 forcing myself 2b social · Sat Nov 15, 2008 @ 07:37pm · 0 Comments |
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