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Here again,
I lay
Trapped in thought
After a long day
Thinking of my end
I would
force it Upon myself
If I could
But a fool am I
To want to Die.
Or you all think so,
but You all dont know,
Dont know a damn Thing
About me.
About the thoughts in my mind;
Thoughts of Suicide or
About the Tide
of Tears
That crashes upon me
Why?
Is the question
Often lingering in the thoughts
Of my Mind.
The reason; Hatred taught
Excuses of my
Self indulgence.
What I hate is Me,
the Hatred; a Wall so dense
surrounding my Heart
Pushing those Thoughts back
Into me
without a part
Of hesitation.
Why?
You ask of the Hate in me
For myself or
Why I wish to die.
I have you, its not all
so Horrible.
a Life to be durable,
conceived Lies
Im told.
But the love is what ties
my Cracked heart in knots.
and Im fraught
with hate, Sorrow, and deseat
A halo over my head
and a demon tail with a heart
Un-complete.
I need to show the hate for Myself
but Im sick of everybody else
No one listens to my Pleads
they Pretend its ok, and Im not deceived
I hate liars and Promise-Breakers
Deceivers with Lies on Paper
Weakness for Attenchion
Showoffs and Fakes
the Disheartened
the No matter what it Takes'
People who runway
When they dont know what else to do
People who Cry on a Sunny day
the Confused
Un-patient and mean
Lonely teens
The Un-changing
Praising Perfecting
Smiles over tears
Hiding Fears
Loud people
Alone outcasts
A bad time when its Good
Time going by to Fast
And the list goes On.
The sun is about to Dawn
And Im thinking of all I hate
and it dawned on me;
That list is every thing
I am and could Be.
so The sentence
'Im everything I hate'
is True
and the Shattered trait
is making an impression
on You
& I want to run
But only far enough
For you to miss me
Just because I feel a little lonely
and Its here and now
Im breaking down
with Those thoughts.
and its Traught-
In Traumatic
Automatic
Trivial tremulous
un-tactic Courageous
Sorrow
and by Tomarrow
I'll be a different person.
Let my emotions out
Then put them
back behind my Curtain
Just so you don't know
That i feel utterly alone
& To prove it to
you
Pretentious People
I laugh lightly and Smile
My life a Pattern
Like found Repeated on a tile
Any true reasons in me
Have an infrequency
to Show
Themselves
to You
'Cause Its easier to not let you know;
to Be what i hate;
A fake
So let it go,
I dont want to Talk
Im sobbing In my soul
Sobbing so hard it Knocks
Me over into Pity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 forcing myself 2b social · Fri May 23, 2008 @ 06:38pm · 0 Comments |
