Response to the last journal entry comments: Do forgive if these are a bit on the snappy side.
Joe- Yes. I am allowed to be as sad as much as you are. But you are more than willing to commit suicide every time something doesnt go your way. that's the difference.
griev- not trying to be pessimistic... but when nothing has looked up in your life for a long time... and there really is nothing else to look forward to... you give up... completely...
kitty-... mew.... I duhno....
Catchup
I cant focus on my school work anymore... when I sleep I cry myself to it more often than not.... I go to class and I cant listen to waht is being said.... I sit around being numb most every other time...
something is wrong with me.... and I know it... but I dont want to go get the help that I supposedly need.... these last few days the urge to throw myself off the top of the apartment building to break some bones (not high enough to kill me... ) has grown stronger and stronger... I'm tired of being alone... of crying... of being worthless in everyone's eyes.... I'm tired of fighting the urge to rip open my skin... tired of loosing..... I cut myself the other day.... not too deep.. but deep enough to inflict well sought pain....
.... I could go on for ever... but for some reason... I dont think I need to... .
break is this weekend. 4 frickin days off. yay. I'll update the story then. Its written, I''m just in no mood to post it now.
 Marion-san · Mon Jun 20, 2005 @ 11:27pm · 3 Comments |
