Yo... I've changed a lot. My change is an aweful one at that. I'm in a constant state of neutrality. Nothing peaks my interest, nothing arrouses my attention. I wallow in a drunken state of depression.
My father lost to death is what eats at me... I have never admitted it to anyone, but it tears me to shreds. It could have been prevented had we paid more attention, had we given him the proper attention. Life is so miserable... People come and go. I loved daddy so very much. He kept me company, he took care of me, even when I lost my first girlfriend Becky.
A year after his death I met Bethy, who put me through hell and always blamed me for it. she;d date me, cheat on me, date me again and cheat on me, I kept going back to her because I had nobody else.
Dave then helped me out of my rut with Bethy, he was always there for me, he talked to me for hours on the phone, we mostly talked about nothing, but it was enjoyable, he was my first true friend. Now he's gone away to the military, far away.
Before that I met a girl named Jennie who I instantly fell in love with. She healed my heart from the damage Bethy had done, but I was still recklace and careless due to the fact of life; people come and go. My carelessness ruined my last form of happiness and Jennie ended up leaving me as well.
I'm far away from home, but my mind... My heart is even farther away from myself, I am more neutral than ever and do not care what happens to me. Everything is pointless. I maybe better in society with my job at perpetual storage and my college life, but inside I am no person.
I don't care for you, nor do I care for myself.
 Shielsia · Sun Jun 17, 2007 @ 05:40am · 1 Comments |
