the world

• Artist: AlKedeshDerech
• Description: in the world
  eternal toil
  death brought on thee
  when will the hated tyrant end
  ode the struggle
  ode we pass
  through the hated eyes
  what hath thee
  beside the pain and death
  to end this,eternal toil
  to hell
  hath we conquered
• Date: 06/20/2011
• Tags: pass hated death tyranttoil

this is a old English attempt at a poem about the pain of war

Comments

[coltemonison]

The only problems here are the capitalization and punctuation. If you can put these in the correct places, then perfect. By the way, I like how you used the word "thee" in here. Not many people I knew used those words when they write poems XD. Good job!

[Reneaphalias]

Ok, so this one I had a little trouble dissecting. I like the concept, but this one is going to need a bit more work than your others. #1. Ounctuation, put a questionmark after the line "when will the hated tyrant end?" #2. Using the word ode doesn't really make sense for the point you were trying to make.#3. Make a new line for "eternal toil". If you're going to use commas and then put other words after it, you may as well make whatever words that come after it a new line. Hope it helps!