is my love a burden to you?

• Artist: GaNgStA-bAyBeE-GyAlL16
• Description: this is my poem. i hope you like it
  and can you please give me some
  constructive criticism
  
  xox
• Date: 09/02/2009
• Tags: love burden

I wake up every morning,
see your face every day.
And you never seem to notice,
how my love floats your way.
In the beginning,
Our love was fresh and new.
But now I wonder,
Is my love a burden to you.


If you payed me more attention,
Even looked me in the eyes.
No matter how much i crumble,
I am dying inside.
I don't know how to make you love me,
how to make our love renew
But i secretly wonder,
If my love's a burden to you.


Even if you hit me,
It will feel like a kiss.
Because you will touch me,
And i will surely reminisce.
The time our love,
Was fresh and new.
But now i know,
my love is a burden to you.

Comments

[Woolimis]

As a fellow poet (tho i do not know if you have had poems published...) I would like to praise you for your effort.

[Woolimis]

The poem, in my opinion, is average i terms of devices or techniques used.
But, the subject; the emotion, that was put into this piece brought forth the message clearly.
For a love poem, it is pretty straightforward. Unlike some love poems, it gets straight to the point but it also describes the subject in a way that makes it feel like there is a larger story/plot behind this truth.

[I S u i m i n I]

nice