The Depths Below

• Artist: Quasar Quirks
• Description: This was based off a quote from a roleplay, and is used by a character who used to be a pirate. It's not supposed to rhyme, just invoke feelings, so don't complain about it! D:<
• Date: 07/18/2009
• Tags: kraken depths below ocean

The waves beat on the shore,
pounding an endless rhythm on the rocks.
The air breezes by, carrying the sweet scent of ocean.
The glittering crests belie the sea,
Plunge deeper to find the heart.

Slumbering deeply, brooding darkly
The deeps become barren in its shadow.
Its glance slays those who come too near,
and roar shatters even the strongest of hearts.
Hope is released like a feeble glimmer,
Only to be smothered by its darkness.

Rising, angered,
The beast rains its wrath on all,
All who disturb and cross its path.
As we watch, unperturbed, collected,
We will whisper our warning to the wind.
And let this day be cursed by we who ready to wake the scourge of the sea. . . the Kraken.

Comments

[fruit4you]

Since the poem is about the ocean and wind, I feel like the tone should be lighter while retaining the eeriness of the waves. You have many descriptions. I can see the ocean and waves, but I cannot feel anything. I want to feel this poem. I want to feel the wind, smell the salty air, and feel the small splashes of water across my face. I love the concept of the poem and the personification of the waves. Good job.

[fruit4you]

it is pretty good, but out of preference the poem has a heavy feeling to it. To many syllables and long words in each line. "Slumbering deeply, brooding darkly" Perhaps make these separate lines. Paragraphs aren't always a good way to get your poem across, and it seems as if your stanza lines are too lengthy. You want to have a similar rhythm for each line unless you need to make a very important statement that differs from the rest of the poem.

[Crystal Bearer 18]

Cool.(=