My Struggle

• Artist: Valgex
• Description: This is sort of a poem that kinda of rhymes. But at the time when I wrote this, I felt what I wrote. And some of the stuff, I still do. Please be honesty with your vote, don't just vote crappy cause it may not rhyme perfectly(My teachers even told me, not all poems rhyme completely or at all) And it should be easy to comprehend what its telling.
• Date: 06/13/2009
• Tags: struggle pain depressing sadness

I feel as though my air were low.
That a thousand pounds of pressure is on me.
I'm nothing more now than a shell to feed. A war inside me that I feel the casualties.
No future for me, but pain and suffering within.

My defenses falling apart, looking to repair with comfort.
Only for it to be torn apart.
The storm will soon consume me.
The happiness within is only but a reflection of what it truly was and is nothing more but a mask containing suffering and agony within.
Allies and elements no longer can save me. What is left to save of me?

No longer feel warm and safe, only cold and chaos.
I fear soon, that all I will be only a memory....

Comments

[iain194]

nice job keep working hard

[vv7722]

Wow, it's really good 4/5

[Glympse of Fate]

The rhyming is great! Don't worry about it - poems that rhyme perfectly don't always flow well.

My only suggestion is that you use some variety in your punctuation. Placing a period at the end of every line disrupts the flow of the poem.