bloody night

• Artist: egiptionhottie111
• Description: blood
• Date: 08/27/2008
• Tags:

bloody night

it was a long time ago not i was just walking doin my thing when i heard a gun shot i started to run as i heard more and more shots all i saw was blood blood and more blood then i heard i few more gun shots and then i had a shock of pearicin pain i was shot at a few times then i started to bleed bleed and bleed and i realized im 15 and im gonna die!! s**t!!!!!!!!!! i felt weeker and weeker and then splat all my blood was drained out.. gone!!!!

next thing i new i found my self pased out and i was dreanched when i went to see wat it was it was blood not just any blood my blood and my arms and legs were hurting me like like hell was it real am i dead am i dreaming i will never know will u??

Comments

[The Real banks]

love it and i read it

[Miekka Kuoleman]

interesting, with something like this topic, it definitely needs to have a rhythm and does need to rhyme. i recommend not using complete sentences, but put it in fragments ^_^

[FoxyVibes]

u need to work on it, it has no point at all and it makes no sense

[BobcatsForever23]

u need 2 work on it

[darkstarwish]

so rude this is a more outspooken poem its better off the tongue then on paper so dont be 2 harsh

[Sakura_8_Anil]

i sadly must say, work on spelling and punctuation, the story does not flow, and it can be a bit on the confusing side.

[Sue GAlA]

this should be in the story section..