-
The party had finally ended and Annabelle was walking home, alone as usual. She checked her phone to make sure she wasn't going to miss her curfew, and then stared ahead as she walked into the abandoned parts of downtown. Her skirt fluttered in the short breeze. She shivered at the cold midnight air, pulled her jacket tighter around her. The cars seemed to slowly drip away until they were all gone. She was completely alone with herself, so she wandered through the day in her mind. She was barely aware of the footsteps behind her. She looked around and as she turned the footsteps stopped. She pulled out her phone again and checked the time once more. It had been nearly thirty minutes since she had left. She could hear the footsteps continue behind her when she looked ahead. She quickly glanced around again and saw nothing, and just as she did the steps again stopped. Her heart thumped. Who would be following her? She thought back to anyone who may be looking for her after the party, and when she could not come up with a single name her heart rate shot up a few notches. She told herself not to panic, to keep calm, to continue to act normal. But when she reached her street she couldn't help herself, she began to run. The footsteps continued easily, trailing her every turn.
She had nearly reached her driveway when she was amazed to find herself running in place. Her feet still tapped on the pavement, but it was nearly silent. She tried to scream for help but her voice was cut away. Suddenly she was lifted then heavily dropped back to Earth. Her mind began to blur. She heard a voice, "Be calm Annabelle, everything is alright." She tried to keep her eyes open but they refused. The last image she saw was a young man standing above her, a rainbow of colors flowing from him into her.
Then, all was dark. . .
- Title: Just An Idea
- Artist: raelgrni
- Description: I know, it's short and not very good but I just had an idea for a story and I'd like to know what people think about it. This is just a part I thought of and I write any part I think of when I have a good idea. Opinions Please!
- Date: 07/05/2010
- Tags:
- Report Post
Comments (3 Comments)
- raelgrni - 07/05/2010
- Thank you so much! You're the first person to really give me any opinion. I'm 13 so I'm just a beginner (and obviously not too good at grammar lol)
- Report As Spam
- Morbid Humour - 07/05/2010
-
Great work overall. ;D
If you ever want some more feedback, you can read my article: http://www.gaiaonline.com/arena/writing/non-fiction/vote/?entry_id=102218971#title - Report As Spam
- Morbid Humour - 07/05/2010
-
Hi~! Fantastic concept.
However, I don't know if you're doing this for effect, but about 80% of your sentences start with 'She'. I'd also vary your sentence structure a bit. You know, give it a bit of diversity i.e. Pulling out her phone again, she checked the time once more" as opposed to what you have written, "She pulled out her phone again and checked the time once more." Both are correct, but I'd consider trying some of those types of sentences. ^^ - Report As Spam