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"You're saying that you jumped off a bridge, swam to the bottom of a river, dragged my girlfriend out, saved her life, and plan on staying in our kitchen eating all the mice you catch?" Felix asked, arms folded across his chest as he stared doubtfully at Joshua.
"That about sums it up," Joshua said pleasantly, deftly rearranging the flower display on the table to be more appealing.
"So are you her stalker or something?" Felix asked bluntly. Poking her head around the corner, Maria gave him a stern glare.
"No, I'm not. I saved her life, and I ought to stick around to protect her. I'd hate to see all my efforts to be in vain," Joshua said with a maddening sense of righteousness.
"What is she in danger from?" Felix asked irritably. "The letter opener I got her for her birthday?"
Joshua frowned. "Well that must have been a fun-filled birthday. Did you get her a matching stamp set?" Felix leaned forward to make some sort of unpleasant retort, but both men quailed under the murderous glare of the petite young woman in the room. "Sorry. Maria is in danger from another vampire named Edén," Joshua explained, sending meek glances in Maria's direction.
"The one who shoved Maria off the bridge in the first place? What does she want with us?" Felix asked, genuinely concerned now.
"Me, I'm afraid. And no, my leaving would have no effect. Edén would kill you just to upset me. It's best if I stay here."
Felix pouted for a bit, arms folded and lower lip jutted out. Maria cleared her throat. "I think it's a wonderful idea. Joshua is pleasant company, and he's so helpful around the house."
"Do you have a day job?" Felix asked sulkily.
"No," Joshua admitted, rubbing the back of his neck. "I mostly rest up during the day. I do a bit of hunting in the evening, but mostly I'll stick around Maria, since she's the more likely target." Noticing Felix's face pale at the mention of hunting, Joshua added hastily, "By hunting I meant look around for Edén! And besides, I never really eat human. I mostly eat stray cats and suchlike."
Briefly Felix looked relieved, before switching to suspicion. "How long did you say you've been here?"
"I didn't," Joshua said, looking puzzled. "But I've been here about three weeks. Why?"
"Were you near 55th and Elm last Thursday?"
Making a thoughtful face, Joshua said slowly, "I believe I was. Why do you ask?"
Eyes burning into Joshua's, Felix said in low, furious tones, "Did you see a furry orange cat anywhere?" When Joshua nodded slowly, Felix burst out angrily, "You ate Mr. Tibbles!"
Panic-stricken, Joshua stuttered, "I may not have! I mean, I see plenty of orange cats around! This one didn't have a collar."
"I took off his collar to brush him before I let him outside!"
The kitchen was silent, as Joshua fidgeted under Felix's glares. Maria had ducked out of the room, presumably to compose herself.
"So.... How 'bout them Yankees?" Joshua asked lamely. Felix growled, and Joshua shrank back in his seat.
- Title: You ate Mr. Tibbles!
- Artist: Hekibel
- Description: Just a short, humorous snippet from a story I'm working on. There's Joshua the vampire, Felix and Maria, who are engaged, and the mysterious and psychomaniac Edén. And the late Mr. Tibbles.
- Date: 01/14/2010
- Tags: tibbles vampire eaten funny
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