• I lied on the grassy surface gazing at the stars beside my favorite oak tree in the backyard of my beach house.
    I wonder if my mom’s up there? Is she staring down at me right now as I look up at her?
    I would seriously rather be with my mom right now. My dad… you could describe him as not very loving. In fact, I don't think he has a big enough heart to ever love. He’s a very cold man to make it simple.
    I winced at the remembrance of his horrid act towards me. He never loved me because he claims I’m good for nothing. Though it would always be for least little reasons. For example I would be cleaning the dishes and one falls and breaks by mistake. He gets pretty steamed up over stuff like that. But it’s worst if I speak up for myself. He would worse than psychos. I mean psycho as in beating me up badly. So imagine that. And that’s exactly how I get all these bruises and at school people would pick at me for having and abusive dad. I didn’t belong anywhere. I always wondered if he was right. What am I good for?
    So instead of spending my summer vacation in the house 24/7, I take walks down the beach where we live by. I have no friends anyways, so I tend to myself most of the time. It’s a good thing to not have so much drama caused by friends. I don’t have any worries either (or shall I say that I want to believe I don't). I was what you call a “so called” carefree girl, I guess.
    Sometimes people would take a walk on the beach I strolled on, and most of the time they are happy families or friends hanging out. I would always feel so crushed and just want to go home so nobody would see how much I’m hurting inside. But home, I believe, wasn't a good option. All I would come home to is to an abusive dad who doesn't care about me at all. I sometimes think, ‘Why is he still allowing me to live under his roof if he hates me so much?’ Believe me, he tried plenty of times to get rid of me. But my mom’s uncle wouldn't allow him to do such a thing. But he doesn't know a thing about how he abuses me such. I tried to find a moment to tell him but it seems that my “dad” would never let me have a chance to be alone with him. Writing a note to him is an option, but how could I ever send it to him? All my possibilities somehow always turn out to be impossible or careless. My “dad” would get so upset with my mom’s uncle that when he would leave, he would tell me straight to my face, “One day you’re gonna be gone from this house. I’ll try my best to get you out.” But come on, the way he is you know there were a bunch of explicit words in that statement.
    My options were running away or committing suicide. I’m old enough to take care of myself. Fifteen years old to be exact. So running away was better than actually killing myself. But I always thought about where would I run to or better yet who? I always yearned for someone to love me. Not the boyfriend type of way (I could care less about boys right now); but to at least have someone who loves me for who I am--someone who can be motherly or fatherly to me; just someone who could be there for me…
    I yawned and stretched my arms out becoming very tired. It would kind of get cold late at night so for my sleep wear I decided to wear an oversized red sweater with black butterflies designed on it and black leggings. I didn’t wear anything on my feet. Being barefooted was actually fun.
    I closed my eyes ready to go to sleep, but no worries. I always fell asleep outside. When my dad checks my room and notices I’m not there, he wont worry a bit. I could picture him right now with the little smirk on his face. But in the mornings, when I would go in the kitchen and find him sipping coffee and reading a newspaper, I would find him humming happily. But once he takes that first look at me, his happiness disappears all together. Horrible, am I right?
    I sighed and allowed all my muscles to relax.
    “Goodnight mom.” A few minutes later I was snoring softly…

    I woke up feeling the morning’s warmth against my almost covered up skin. I stretched and yawned looking up at the bright blue sky.
    “Morning mom.” I would always say when I woke up.
    Birds were soaring in the sky. I watched in amazement.
    What if I was a bird? Ha, I wouldn’t have a care in the world. Just wanting to fly to my hearts content would be my exact motivation for me to keep living.
    I smiled at that wonderful fact.
    Standing up, I stretched once again and leaned on the soft oak of my favorite tree. I only consider it my favorite because long ago when my mom was still alive, at the age of 6 my mom and I would always play around in the tree. I remember when I would glance at my “dad” frequently too. He would always smile so happily and gaze at my mom in amazement. I knew why he loved my mom so much. What was there not to love?
    If I climbed to high and was afraid to climb back down, she would always come to the rescue. If I ever got hurt and began crying, she would always be there to comfort me. She understood me so well. And the reason why I sleep by this tree is because--maybe, just maybe--my mom’s spirit will be there and I would lie in her lap and sleep peacefully.
    But then that terrible morning came along…ever since then my “dad” hated me to the core…or shall I say hated me even more…

    It was my parent’s 21st anniversary. I was out on the beach with my mom and “dad” on the patio keeping an eye on me. I wanted to find a very special seashell perfect for my mom. The patio wasn't very far from where I was on the beach. I was old enough to be able to walk along the beach since I was 11 years old that time anyways. I promised that I wouldn't go out too far.
    So my mom and “dad” were laughing, kissing, smiling, and having so much fun. Then my mom left to get some more refreshments, and she told my “dad” specifically to keep and eye on me. Although he did, he knew that I was going out a little to far and knew that I couldn't swim. But he just stared and stared. And then a wave swooped me up and took me out to shore, and yet he still stared. I tried to scream, but water flowed into my mouth and I had to spit it out, but I kept trying and trying. It turned out to be a routine.
    My mom came back with a plate full of beverages. She looked out towards the beach trying to locate me but she saw that I was nowhere in sight. She glanced at my “dad” placing the plate on the counter beside my dad.
    “Don, where is she?” she asked getting ready to panic.
    “…Taking a ride in the waves.” He replied calmly. “No worries.”
    “…Don, go get her! How could you let her do that! Go now!” she ordered frantically. She couldn't swim herself so she needed Don to do it.
    There was a sudden scream. It was I trying to get my mom’s attention. “MOM! HELP ME!” Another bunch of the water almost choked me.
    “DON! GO HELP HER!” my mom screamed.
    “…She’s okay. No worries…” he repeated.
    My mom stared at him traumatized and then filled with disgust.
    “How could you?” she said softly to him as she took off to my rescue.
    Before she ran, Don grabbed her wrist. “She’s fine, Delilah,” he said very sternly.
    My mom glanced at him with a sobbing face. “How could you,” she repeated. She then snatched her wrist out and ran after me. I was already under water by then.
    My mom ran through the water all the way to the point where the water was by the tip of her ear. She searched under water trying to look for me, but I was nowhere in sight. So she went deeper and deeper to find herself getting swept away by the ocean.
    “ESTHER!” she called out to me.
    I heard her and tried my best to get above water so I kicked my feet frantically and the wave pushed my up. “MOM!” I screamed panicking.
    My mom saw me, but it turned out that I was closer to the shore instead of her. She tried her best to swim to me. The waves seemed to be pulling her back though.
    I kept screaming out mom and began sobbing along with her. We cried out each other’s names, and yet Don was still sitting in his place. He seemed ticked off and ashamed of not himself but us. I suddenly felt a pair of arms around me. It was a stranger coming to the rescue. I sobbed to him telling him to go rescue my mom. Glancing at her I realized that she was almost a mile far away. I couldn't believe it. The waves were the only things keeping her above water.
    The stranger began swimming after my mom but I just stared at her and only her screaming for her. A few minutes late the stranger came back with a sorrowful look on his face. He spoke up and said that he couldn't find her and that he was sorry for our lost. I couldn’t believe it. So I just sat there in my place staring out to the sea in the spot where my mom was. The last thing I remembered that she did was smile at me with a sobbing face and then she mouthed, “I love you”, and…drowned.

    I stretched once again getting the memory out of my head. I didn't understand how I remembered the whole thing. It just came to me in a dream and permanently sealed deep down in my heart. I didn't cry once the memories came back. I haven’t cried ever since last year. I guess I’ve gotten used to it.
    My stomach growled. I placed my hand over it as it growled again and I chuckled.
    I always pretended to be in a good mood I guess. I ran up the stares to my backdoor and went through the wooden-floored hallway into the white-tiled kitchen to find Don in the kitchen doing the same routine. He never gave his hopes up of me disappearing. He still hated me and will always hate me since my mom chose me over him that day on there anniversary.
    But who cares if he hates me, I tried to convince myself. I have no care in the world remember?
    I sighed and walked to the refrigerator. My sigh disturbed Don, which made him say, “Could you keep your sighs to yourself?” he said sternly but remember, he’s very vulgar when it comes to me so there were some of a little explicit things said.
    I didn't respond. I just opened the refrigerator and ignored him, taking out milk so I can eat some cereal.
    “Do you understand?” he said more sternly.
    I ignored him some more and grabbed a glass bowl, a silver spoon, and some Cookie Crisp cereal out of the cabinets and drawers. I silently made my cereal while I felt his menacing glare staring at my back.
    I finished setting up my cereal and grabbed it to sit down at the table in the seat in front of Don. Still knowing that he was staring at me, I just faced my bowl and ate.
    He then shot up from his seat and smacked that bowl from my hands, sending it sprinting and colliding with the refrigerator causing a loud glass-shattering sound. He walked around the table but I just sat there. I was tired of running away and every time when I ran away he would always catch me and beat me up even worse.
    Don grabbed me by the wrist and used his other hand to grip on my hair very tight and put all his strength into his arm to smash my head against the glass table. He did this multiple times but all I just did was cry. I couldn't scream anymore. Blood was coming from my forehead and then more and more as he repeatedly did this cursing his head off.
    He finally let go, but I just sat there in pain with more blood oozing from my head. I felt lightheaded so I used my arms to help myself up. I slowly walked out of the kitchen or should I say crawled because Don took a blow at my neck with his fist causing me to fall over and cough up blood. “Stay outta my sight,” he said, calling me all the offensive words he knew in his vocabulary.
    I got to the wooden stairs that led to my room and walked up them keeping my hands on the rail because I felt very dizzy.
    I sat on my bed with soft white comforters and rummaged through the drawer in the nightstand I had placed beside my bed, taking out bandages. I was use to repairing myself and looking as good as new except for the marks I get from the bruises. I bet that soon I’m going to have a bruise on my forehead and neck. Just two more to add to about the other sixteen I have.
    When I was done, for some reason I broke down crying. I thought I been stopped since last year. I began to become hostile that year so I never cried about anything anymore. But I guess I had enough of my life—enough of living for nothing. I didn’t I have faith in anything anymore…I just wanted to be swept away like my mom was and then sleep eternally and then maybe I can be like a bird—soaring in eternal sleep…
    I was done bandaging myself and decided to go outside once again. I had an emergency escape just in case I didn't have the guts to get through Don when I went downstairs. So it was a good thing that I tied my sheets together and threw them out the window so I could climb out safely (safely as in not running into Don).
    I slowly climbed down the tied up sheets and finally reached the surface. I walked back to my favorite tree and was so tired I felt like sleeping. So I yawned and closed my eyes…

    I woke up by a clap of thunder, which scared me half to death. I looked around and saw that it was already night time and everything was wild—the sea was going crazy, the wind was blowing everything similar to a tornado, trees were rocking in all directions, thunder was striking everywhere, and the clouds were soaring through the sky like the speed of light.
    I was so frightened right now so I decided to go in the house.
    “Be safe mom,” I said concerned to the tree.
    I walked to the backdoor and reached for the doorknob. But when I turned it, it wouldn’t go all the way. Was it locked? The backdoor was never unlocked, although that’s dangerous but still…
    I walked to the front door to find that it was locked, too.
    “No way. Please don’t let this be happening.” I looked at my surroundings and everything was still the same. It didn't even slow up a bit. But it seemed to be darker so I couldn't make out the waves or the clouds.
    I turned back towards the front door to find Don standing on the other side of the door staring at me. I was speechless and then again scared. His stare seemed to be piercing my heart with a million needles.
    He was in his robe with a cup of coffee—as calm as ever perhaps. He chuckled and turned away from me, walking towards his room I guess to go to sleep.
    “No, no, no!” I shouted running towards my emergency escape. Maybe I could climb it and not slip up.
    I ran to the side of the house to happily find it there. I ran up to it and began climbing it. I was halfway there, and it seemed kind of easy to climb it. I glanced upwards to find Don once again with that same stare. But it seemed more like a glare. He grabbed the tied up sheets.
    Oh no! If he released the sheets then it would send me falling to the ground and seriously injuring myself.
    “Don, please! Don’t do it! I’m begging you!” I pleaded with my heart. It seemed that Don wasn’t listening. So I quickly tried to climb down. I wanted to slide but if I slid then it might damage my hands. But now wasn’t the time to think about that. I prepared to slide down but it seemed it was too late. I was already falling.
    I gasped at the thought that he actually let go, knowing the outcome.
    Why? I asked myself. Why does he hate me so much?
    And with that thought I slammed to the ground. I was in so much pain. My shoulder seemed to be dislocated, my back was too injured for me to stand up straight, my ankle was twisted, possible the same for my wrist.
    I tried to crawl to the oak tree. Maybe my mom’s spirit was still there to protect me. But just then the street lights went out, and everything became pitch black. I just only heard the frightening sounds all around me. I tried to feel my way towards the tree not having a clue to what direction I was crawling towards.
    I had my hands stretched out trying to feel my surroundings, but then I felt water. I felt the water coming back and forth to the shore. I sat in my place aching and paining everywhere staring at nothing but pitch black.
    Is this how my life ends? I asked myself. Is this what I was born for—just to live a terrible life with no one there for me?
    I accepted everything and realized I need to do what I have to do. No one is there to help me so why continue living? I’ll never have a chance of survival so I might as well end it in a way where I can still have my dignity.
    I stood up and began walking farther and farther in the water. I felt happy that I was going to maybe become the bird I always wanted to become. And maybe I will be where my mom is.
    “Mom, I’m coming,” I breathed silently as the waves swept me away…