• "You can go to everyone for help but your own boyfriend?" Ryan snapped into the phone.
    "I'm sorry...it's just...I-I have talked to you about it and you just tell me to get over it! That doesn't help me at all!" I whimpered.

    Ryan let out an agitated sigh, and I bit my bottom lip until my mouth was tainted with the copper and bitter taste of my own blood. I could feel my eyes glistening and my hands shook. I loved Ryan! I didn't want him to leave me. This was probably the worst argument we have had yet.

    "Well, I'm waiting for you to tell me what's wrong." He finally said.
    "Oh!" I gasped with relief. "I just feel really...just...I feel insecure."

    Another sigh escaped his lips.

    "We've been over this, Haley."
    "I know, I know. I am sorry, Ryan. It's just...that's how I feel."
    "Stop feeling that way then."
    "That's easier said than done. Besides, that's what you said before, and it didn't help at all."
    "What do you want me to do about it?"

    There was that tone. The tone he used when he began rather agitated.

    "I-I-I don't know. Reassure me?"
    "I love you."
    "I know. I love you too."

    Silence. The awful silence that I dreaded during each of our arguments was happening again. That screaming silence got louder and louder.

    "Silence." I sang in an weak attempt to get him to talk.
    "I don't see you saying anything either, Haley." Ryan snapped once more.
    "Well...can't you try to start the conversation? I always do."
    "I don't know what to say. I continue the conversation."
    "Oh...right."

    I gave in, again. I changed the subject smoothly to the one of tomorrow night's concert.

    "I have our tickets for The Devil Wears Prada concert tomorrow. Are you excited?" I said.
    "Yeah, I'm really excited."
    "That's good. Are you going to mosh and be in the pit?"
    "Jesus, Haley, why do you sound so sad? Is it not enough to be there at the concert with me? No, I wasn't going to mosh or be in the pit. I wasn't going to leave your side."
    "I was just fricking asking! Why do you have to snap at me!"
    "It's always me. I'm not romantic enough. I'm mean to you. I snap. And now apparently, I don't hang out with you enough at concerts."
    "I-I-I d-d-didn't say," I went into hysterics, "any of that!"

    Silence. The only thing that was louder than the horrible silence was the sound of my tears falling.

    After that moment in time I had an epiphany. It wasn't about how I felt; it was about Ryan. I was going to learn to give up what I wanted...even though I had already given up on small things like the movies I wanted to see or stores I wanted to go to. I didn't want to be selfish. I had thought relationships required compromise and caring for each other more so than you do yourself.

    "Please stop crying." Ryan said with yet a third sigh.
    "I'm not."
    "Hold on, Marcus is calling."
    "Kay." I heard a small whimper whispered through my mouth and felt more tears fell.

    I heard my phone ring with a text message from...Marcus. Of course. And of course it says: How are you and Ryan?

    "Okay, I'm back."
    "What'd you tell Marcus?"
    "Nothing."
    Liar. I thought. "Oh, okay." I said. "Well, it's 9:30 and I don't want you to get in trouble."
    "Okay...well good night....I love you."
    "Night. I love you too."

    I threw the phone across the bed and curled into a ball. I held myself with my own arms since they were all I had at that moment. It brought some comfort to me, not much though. Soon my phone rang again; this time, a call.

    "I'm sorry I snapped and made you cry. You know I love you right?" Ryan said before I even said 'hello.'
    "Yeah...I do. I-I love you too." I whispered.
    "Please try to stop crying and get some rest. Okay, baby?"
    "Okay."

    If I said 'okay' then how on earth did I still end up crying for most of the night?