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Note: Name pronounciations at the bottom.
Prolouge
The council of the 13 shuffled to their seats swiftly and indifferently for the urgent meeting. They sat where they usually did: Karvina and Hraxren next to one another;opposite from the king's side, Metza and Gryntoh on either side of the king, Atareau and Jravston next to Karvina and Hraxren, Dredrick and Narzatina in the centers, Fimilta and Prarodrox in the other 2 seats next to Karvina and Hraxren, and the Urubaexian-the king-in his high purple velvet throne embedded with black diamonds and the metal was gold, silver, and platinum smelted together. They murmured amongst themselves until Urubaexian held up a hand to silence them.
Hraxren: What did you you call us here for now, hardhead?
Jravston: Real mature. Yes, I'm a skeleton. Laugh all you want, but you have to suck blood to live. Anyway, I found the perfect vessel to be our minion.
Hraxren: Yeah, that's what you said last time, and they didn't even make past stage 1.
Karvina: Now, honey, behave yourself.
Hraxren: Rrrrrgh......
Prarodrox: Well, let's hear it. Who will be your lab rat now?
Jravston: It's the Bouletard street boy.
Dredrick: That's not acceptable.
Narzatina: We will not endanger him.
Jravston: Why so defensive, hairy dog?
Dredrick: And you call him immature, you hypocrite.
Gryntoh: All right, all right! We're all creatures believed to be dead, right? Now let's get past this! The lunar eclipse is coming. We need to decide if we should use him.
Fimilta: Hmm. I call for a vote! Yes or no.
Metza: Yes.
Dredrick: No.
Narzatina: No.
Atareyu: Yes.
Gryntoh: I don't care as long as we get one.
Jravston: I second that.
Praradrox: I say no.
Fimilta: I am siding with my husband. No.
Karvina: Hmm. What do you think, darling?
Hraxren: He's perfect.
Jravston: Can we experiment on him?
Praradrox: Why not just kill him? I've not had a good murder since we made the black death.
Karvina: That was you? Thanks, you killed my inlaws, you cretan!
Urubaexian: Stop. Enough bickering, all of you. We will try your vessel, Jravston. The dawn is coming where the night is waiting, council. We need everything we can get.
And so they set their eyes Jarred Conners.
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Name pronounciation
Karvina(Car-v-na)
Hraxren(Her-ax-ren)
Metza(met-za)
Gryntoh(grin-toe)
Atareau(at-re-yu)
Jravston(Jrav-z-ton)
Dredrick(dread-rick)
Narzatina(Nar-za-tina)
Fimilta(fi-mill-ta)
Prarodrox(Prayer-o-dr-ox)
Urubaexian(U-roo-bay-x-ian)
- by Greenninja6 |
- Fiction
- | Submitted on 01/30/2009 |
- Skip
Comments (7 Comments)
- divinexs - 03/09/2009
- Hm... I agree with anonymous5me. The thing is, if you want to keep everything mysterious, you don't need the first paragraph.The dialogue isn't all that mysterious, but more confusing since there's not much of an image. You might as well let the paragraph describe the scene and leave the dialogue out or include the "He exclaimed this" in your dialogue. It doesn't lose its mysteriousness, don't worry. It just clarifies things.
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- Faded Dreams5 - 03/08/2009
- (part two) the story is. I wouldn't recomend using this as a prologue (which is supposed to hook readers) unless you're going to give more information and make things a lot more clear for us readers.
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- Faded Dreams5 - 03/08/2009
- The first paragraph was really hard to get through. Too many names to even remember, let alone the fact that they're such extravagant names. All the diologue was really interesting, but also REALLY confusing. There's so much going on but it doesn't really matter because your readers have absolutely NO idea what's going on. I know you don't want to say who's talking, but you might have to because it's so confusing, and confused readers usually don't want to read more, no matter how good
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- Greenninja6 - 03/07/2009
- Too much is revealed from even saying who's talking.
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- AndrewBot - 03/02/2009
- i get that things are un-explained, but who was talking would have been nice sweatdrop
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- Ms Jenna_ Lee - 03/02/2009
- i like itx3 nice work^^
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- WhiteTigerElf - 02/08/2009
- make another one. eri mean write another. hahha you knwo what i mean ^^;
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