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*Darling I’m surprised that you just figured it out. Well maybe not too surprised.
She pulled out the hair ties letting her short but beautiful golden brown hair fall to her shoulders.
#You look so familiar
*Why Darling don’t you recognize me?
#. . .
*Oh you hurt my feelings. She ran her fingers across his chin. You know darling it is such a waist to kill you like this. Maybe I should let you get cleaned up first just to make it more dramatic.
#ou disgust me
*arling I disgust most people.
# . .
*Are you speechless now? why just a moment ago you couldn't stop talking well mabye i should let your girl freind ger her first so she can at least try to save you. Henry put him in a safr place until the girlfreind arives.
@yes. . . okay
*ood now when his girlfriend comes tell me so as I may talk to her . . . alone. I’ll be in my chambers if you need me Henry.
Oliver couldn’t believe it how could Henry turn against him like that well he had to get out of here . . .
* i really did underestimate you darling.
Oliver put the knife closer to her neck.
* i wonder if youll do it anyway. .
Blood splattered to the floor
a moment passed as Oliver kneeled to the floor his knees now covered in blood. He couldn’t believe it
*you know darling when your going to kill someone you cant be hesitant.
Oliver gripped his stomach trying to take away the pain.
- Title: Mucly
- Artist: mucly
- Description: This popped into my head ahwhile ago so i wrote it down . . . hehe . . . popped into my head so there it is man . . . gosh
- Date: 10/07/2008
- Tags: mucly
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Comments (5 Comments)
- alainlalaland - 03/06/2009
- Hmm... This might potentially be good if punctuation, capitalization, and more details were worked into it. Not to be rude, but what's the point of posting something if it hasn't been edited at all? I know I'm OCD when it comes to editing my stories!
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- mucly - 10/08/2008
- i don't like you musical solider man ok ya it popped into my head i wasn't worried about all that junk . . . punk . . haha it ryhmes biggrin
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- SalmonZilla - 10/08/2008
- The_Musical_Soldier made some strong points. It is very difficult to tell apart from the dialogue and the narration.
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- The_Musical_Soldier - 10/07/2008
- Yes, dialogue should be distinguished from the narrative writings. The story was far from good. I can see what you tried to do but you really failed. People have a short coming on this but with things like these "Hollywood writings" lack details. Details are the first and up most important thing in a writers arsenal. You decide what to have and you just took a way to much. This is a stand alone piece and therefore should set a mood before telling the main story. 2/5
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- xCubia - 10/07/2008
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Dialogue tags wouldn't hurt
It looks like their isnt any speach - Report As Spam