• You know, people say it’s hard being a spy. Try being a spy with a personal life. I have a girlfriend named Chandra and she is very high maintenance. Lately she’s been causing me so much trouble. In my “job” I have to worry about being killed all the time, at home I’m just praying I’ll make it to the apartment on time. If I’m late, I’m in deep trouble. If I’m early, well let’s just say I don’t want to be early. I don’t know why, but Chandra acts a bit off every time that I arrive home early, like she’s hiding something.

    A tough day, I walk up the steps to the eighth floor. Gosh, I’m beat. It’s always such a mess taking the stairways, I swear. The halls are grimy and everything is greasy. It’s dark with only half of the lights working. Since the electricity is a mess, I don’t dare take the elevator.

    Finally, I reach my apartment door. I look at my gold wristwatch. Crap! I’m early! My mind begins to wander as I search my deep cotton coat pockets for my key. What will Chandra be up to today? I don’t have my key. I decided to knock. It’s pretty sad when I have to knock at my own door. No answer. I knock again. Wait. No answer. I become very worried. All of the sudden I hear screams! My thoughts are out of control thinking of all the possible situations that must be going on, so I kick down the door. “Chandra! Chandra!”

    What I see is the most shocking thing I have ever seen in my entire life. Trust me, as I spy, I see some pretty sick stuff. This isn’t even made for words. Another man is in my bed with my girlfriend. “b*****d,” I shout over my girlfriend’s screeches. He does not seem to hear me. For a quick second, for that is all that I have to make a decision, I try to find a different reason; that my girlfriend isn’t cheating on me, maybe she’s being raped. Running toward the bed, I tightly grab the man’s wrist, toss him off my giant bed, and shoot him in the heart. That’s where he hurt me isn’t it? He started to laugh and spew up blood at the same time. He got it all over himself. Oh great, a naked man puking up blood, exactly what I want to see! I shot the man two more times. I couldn’t help but shed a tear. I wanted him to stop laughing at me.

    I smiled, a job well done. I then began kicking his head and stomping on his face. The fresh corps is already beat enough, I’m just helping a bit more, plus, I’m pissed. Chandra looked at me, mortified. At least he’s dead. Isn’t he? It’s not like he is alive. It’s not like I am crushing a live man’s skull to pieces. Ha ha! No. I’ve only done that a couple times, but I did not have to do that in this case.

    The proper thing to do in a situation like the one I’m in now is to stay calm. I guess I did the exact opposite. Too late now! I guess I live a bit too much on my own raw emotion.
    Chandra leaped off the bed, shouting obscenities at me. The rape theory was totally out. She then slapped my cheek, leaving a large red mark. I could not see it, but I knew it was there. I felt it. She continued to rant on. It’s not like I haven’t heard all this before. “Don’t shoot the bird; stop yelling at the cat…” It’s all the same now, just involving a man. I’m used to killing people. I just killed another man two hours ago. How is this any different?

    She seemed to keep talking and I had no idea what about. I thought she had stopped by now! I haven’t listened to anything she’s said! Is Chandra really this boring or do I have A.D.D.? As I thought, I let her go on with her speech. “Don’t you love me?” She ignored the question and blabbed on. I guess that’s a no.

    She doesn’t love me? That gets me angry! She told me she loved me, but she really doesn’t! “Excuse me? Why don’t you stop talking? The man is dead! There is nothing I can do about it now. I thought you were being raped! I was protecting you! You were screaming! I didn’t think that- well, you’re never that loud when we- just forget it. As I was saying, I was trying to save you. I didn’t want to believe you were involved with this man.”

    “I’ll rat you out…” Those were the only words I had to hear from her when I pulled the trigger. I shot her too. Oh god, I’m a murderer! As I was watching her fall a smirk developed on my face. I enjoyed every second of seeing the blood pour out of the bullet wound in her head. I felt so powerful. I broke off the relationship and kept my secret safe.

    Now, I have killed many people before, but I always left the bodies at the scene. I never had to dispose of them. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know how to. I am running my fingers through Chandra’s hair. Her hair is beautiful, much like herself.

    I’ll just get my gasoline from the cupboard and burn them both with my lighter. Oh this is great. this is really great! Maybe I can get people in the building too! I never killed innocent people before. Actually, once. I could do it again! It’ll be like hunting, but with people.

    I had to kill Chandra and this man though. The man could’ve been harmful and Chandra would’ve gotten me straight into a burn notice. I am not working for her, ever. That’s why I had to kill her.

    As I burn the bodies I laugh like a lunatic. The whole old wooden apartments are catching on fire so quickly. I run. I hope others will die too! If I’m lucky I’ll be set in flames!

    Escaped, and alive. Dammit! 911 has already been called and they’re all here: the fire engines, cops, and the ambulances. I’ve burned my tracks, literally, so they shall never know I did this! All I have to do is live undercover and I’ll be fine. I’ll put on an act. I’m good at this, I’m a spy.

    I got a little out of control. Maybe it was the flashing light and the blaring sirens. The firemen ran up to me and I shot at them both. The cops are now charging at me too! I dart full speed! They’ll never catch me. I gave them a quick run, but they boxed me in. They caught me. I didn’t even put up a fight. Now I’ll be put in jail. Oh wait. No, I won’t.

    “Sir, keep your hands up.”

    “Wait, lemme turn my cell off.”

    "Sir," he shouted, "I said keep your hands up!"

    If I get the switch just right…

    A gigantic explosion arises from nowhere killing everyone in sight. In the distance a boy is looking out the window with his mother when the see the bright orange light.

    “Mommy? What’s that?”
    “Shield your eyes son. Let me get your father. Honey! Is that a bomb?”