Userper of Heaven Pt.2

• Artist: Hacked By Blank
• Description: This our favorite part of the story :)
  sorry that i couldnt go into moire detail for this.
  I actualy pity Hutssen, nothing ever seems to go correctly for him... Like the old man with the lemon and the bombs... dont ask. I'd use Huttsen's sisters name, only I havent named her yet so...
• Date: 09/26/2008
• Tags: userper heaven

He looked at his desk. Morbidity in his eyes. "Why...Why... why are you mocking me?!" He yelled as he staired at the pencil drawing of a smiley face on the desk.(( biggrin )) He appeared to be arguing with it...
"Okay that's it!! It you dont stop smiling in 3, I mean exactly 3 seconds im goin to-" This took over 3 seconds to explain. He pulled out his revolver and began to viciously attack the paper.
"Pant...Pant...Pant... I warned you."
"Huttsen!!"
He looked towards the door when Arra burst in.((Arra isnt me, I'm Araa))
"Huttsen, your sisters her!" He smiled delightedly as he spoke.
"...My...what...?"
"Sister! youre lovable big sister is here to see you!!"
"Okay... just checking, Ahem..." He kicked over his desk to make a small barracade, he pulled out a shot gun and put on his helmet waiting for the door to open."Hutssen... I mean she's already in the room."
Huttsen began to gingerly turn around to see his sister stand, arms folded behind him. "And just what where you intending to do when I walked in?"
"N-n-nn-nuthin!! I mean I was going to do some thing but that wasn--"
She slapped him across the face sending him flying across the room."Mom and Dad thought that the Military would straighten you out!? Does this mean there wrong??" She cracked he nuckels as she walked across the room. "Noooo!!!" Hutssen screamed as he ran away and hid behind Arra. He began to cry, "Hellllp meee please!!"

Comments

[Hacked By Blank]

That just verifys my english teacher hasnt got a clue what she's talking about XD

[Mecca Against Reality]

It made me smile, thank you for that. On to the criticism, I think your writing format could use a bit of improvement (not that there is much wrong with it). The phrases in the parenthesis should have been added in the description instead, or at the beginnning or ending of the chapter.

Some of your dialogue is wrong.

Ex. ("Pant...Pant...Pant... I warned you." wink [The '"Pant...Pant...Pant..."' shouldn't be there, unless he is actually saying 'Pant'.] I think you mean he was panting.