• Please…make it go away….please….

    And then…

    S I L E N C E

    Pause.

    Rewind.

    I am six again, balancing on the edge of a cliff, overlooking the vast ocean, and wondering…..

    When will the waves sweep me away and claim me as their property?

    when?

    I get fed up and prepare to launch myself into the water until….
    Something strange stirs in the water.
    Suddenly bigger, more ravenous waves start to pelt the cliff.
    They are greedy for a bite of me.

    I am… afraid.

    One huge waves starts to make itself towards me and I am frozen in time.
    I close my eyes and let darkness gobble me whole.

    N o t h i n g

    Pause.

    Fast Forward.

    Here I am, now nine years old, and trying to keep my footing on the branch of a tall oak tree. I had a good birthday party. All my friends were invited and they all came.

    There were no problems.

    All my friends are here now, playing Dare with me. The purpose of the game is to put on a brave face and do the most dangerous stunts. I was dared to climb the tree in my backyard. My friends are cheering for me and I feel gleeful....

    until…..

    my foot slides off of the tree branch I was stepping on and out of shock, I lose my grip on the branches above me.
    As I glance at the shocked faces of my friends, I can only think…

    I’m only nine and I’m about to die.

    The world screams around me until…

    Oblivion

    Pause.

    Repeat. Repeat.

    I turned nine today and I had an awesome birthday party! I got lost of gifts, ate a HUGE birthday cake, and all my friends came!

    I’m nine! I’m nine! I’m nine!

    My friends and I are outside playing Dare right now. The person who does the most dares will win, and so far, I have the record! Right now though, I’ve just been dared to swing the highest I can possibly swing on my swings and jump off.

    So I swing, and swing, and swing.

    I jump.

    The world blinks under me until all those curious eyes disappear.
    It’s only me now, soaring through the white that now covers the world.

    White. White. White.

    I feel light-headed so I close my eyes.

    I close my eyes and wait for the ending of eternity, the one thing that can never happen.

    Pause.

    Skip.

    Now I’m fifteen, braving the harsh wind of reality. A reality, in which I’ve been sheltered from for fifteen years.

    I got…my report card back today. It was…filled with F’s. My parents were mad. It didn’t help that I went home smelling of whiskey and wine. So…they kicked me out of the house. It’s been a bad year for me.

    School-wise and home-wise.
    I’m wandering, wandering on the streets to nowhere.

    That’s what they all say. My parents, my teachers, even…my friends.

    I’ve…been taking drugs. And smoking. Vandalizing people’s property.

    I’ve done it all and I don’t regret a thing.

    So right now, I’m literally on the streets. I think I’ll get some more cocaine. They make me feel better, especially after a terrible day like this. The streets are really quite empty, nobody except me on the streets.

    Guess they all want to stay away from me.

    The traffic light has turned red for the cars. I’d better cross. Oh, wait a minute….

    Or is it….orange? Green? Yellow? Aquamarine?!

    Something’s wrong. Something’s really wrong. I can’t tell the color. What is it? Should I cross or not? ….It’s so-…fuzzy….

    I’ll cross. I need to get my cocaine.

    I’m walking quickly, but suddenly noises resonate in my head. Noises. The sounds of cars screeching? The yelling of drivers? My…bones cracking? But, I don’t want to die yet. Even if my life sucks, I don’t WANT TO DIE!

    I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die! I DON’T WANT TO DIE!!

    I-I really…don’t want to die…

    The noise is gone. And I’m alone. I’m tired. I don’t know where I am, but I’ll go to sleep.

    Just, for a minute or two.

    good night

    Stop. ….forever…

    Play. …and live…

    How old am I?

    Now, I’m lost, in a forest. Or… is it really a forest?
    My mind is so hazy. It’s hard to think straight.

    Trees, trees, trees.

    So many TREES.

    How long have I been running? Trying to escape this world? This forest? My life?

    How long? How long has it been since yesterday died?

    Since today accepted me and allowed me a few more moments of life?

    Since the last time I cried?

    I wonder…

    just who am I? Who am I? Who am I?

    What’s my name?

    How’d I get here?

    And who the hell can answer these questions?!

    I’ve been lost for quite a while.
    I didn’t know where the heck I’ve been heading these days.
    They tell it to me all the time, my parents, that is. I know I’m not stupid.
    Though… I’m not very smart either.
    But I just can’t help it. I’m not that kind of person.
    Geez, parents these days. What can you do about them?

    I need to know! Someone give me some answers!

    I….need…to…get away. Get… away… from here.
    Where…are they…? Where are…my parents?
    Where…are…they…when I… need them…the most?
    ..M-Mom? …D-Dad? Where…are you…guys?!

    I don’t understand! I just don’t understand! Please! Someone…please…

    Depression, anger, humiliation, separation,

    L O S S

    Mom…Dad…

    What the hell is going on? WHAT THE HELL?!

    It’s not true! It’s not true! They can’t be…gone… dead…. They’re not! They’re not!
    I won’t believe it! You’re lying! Liar! Liar!! LIAR!

    What should I do…? What can I do…? I’m so confused…

    They’ve been there every step of the way. My parents…

    My dad jumped into the ocean to save me when I was six.

    My mom caught me as I fell off of the oak tree when I was nine.

    And then…on that swing. Let’s just say even in my dreams, my parents were there to catch me.

    Both of them were there as I collapsed on the streets, as their car was the one that raced forward to provide me protection and ensure that if anything was getting wrecked, it would be their car.

    Yep, they’re crazy all right. But, they’re my parents.

    And they always will be, in my heart.

    It hurts…it hurts. Someone please make the pain go away…make it disappear forever…

    Run. Run. Run. I’m leaving this place. It’s much too painful of a memory. Maybe I’ll run into a forest or something. Some place to make me forget all this.

    I don’t want to see the corpses of my parents, plaguing me as I sleep in their house.
    I wish I could forget, but…I also don’t want to forget. I want to forget that they died, but I want to remember their smiles, their hugs. I want to…

    I don’t know what I want anymore.

    Mom….Dad….? My- parents…? Can…my parents make my head alright again?

    Ugh…why does my head hurt so much? So…painful…
    I’ll bet death is less painful than this. But…I can’t die yet.

    My parents gave me this precious life. If I can’t find another reason, then I’ll just have to remember this one.

    My reason is…

    Every time I thought I was close to death, they brought me back. They extended my life, so the least I can do is live for them.
    My reason is…

    A reason? I had…a reason? A reason to live?

    I’m eighteen and trying to embrace life, even if I’m stuck in this hellhole of a forest.

    Pain! So…much PAIN!!

    ...pain…my…head…it’s…hard to… breathe too…
    ….but I…won’t….die…I…won’t…

    mom, dad
    will you make this pain go away?
    please?

    ….mom…dad…I-I sort of remember…I’ve been… trying to avoid something…but…I’ll take my memories …all…now…I’ll take them back!
    I WANT THEM BACK! I WANT TO KNOW! WHY?!

    The one thing that will keep my will from going to Hell is you guys!!
    You gave me a reason to live, to cherish my life!
    I’ll live to keep those memories, to safeguard them.
    No one can take them from me!

    Wait…but that’s not right. My good times… shouldn’t just be locked inside myself. I…never knew I was…so… selfish. To lock them inside me? So no one including myself can get in? That’s not right. I’ve...got to open them. I can share them, share them with others. So…they can experience the warmth too.

    “And then whenever the little warrior tripped, fell, or cried, his parents always came running to him.”

    “Because he always knew, even though he was forced to keep a facade of strength, his parents would always be there for him. They knew his weaknesses, but they would never abandon him.”

    “Why Daddy? Why wouldn’t they abandon him?”

    “Because his mommy and daddy loved him very much.”

    “Do you love me Daddy?”

    “Of course.”

    “How about you Mommy?”

    “I’ll love you forever, sweetheart.”

    “But…how long? How long will you love me?”

    ”We’ll both love you for an eternity.”

    “Will you always come running to me too?”

    “Yes, always.”

    “Always always?”

    “Yes. Always, always, and forever.”

    “Yay! Thankies mommy and daddy! Bye-bye!”

    “Goodnight.”

    It…still hurts though. But, I’ll let the memories flow in peacefully. I’ll dream. I’ll dream of them. I’ll embrace their warmth and comfort. Even now, when you guys are gone, you’re still here to help me.
    Thank you for that.

    Thank you…for everything.

    Goodnight.

    Mommy and Daddy.

    I love you guys