A Simple Mistake

• Artist: B u t t e r f l y D r o p
• Description: This is the ending to my story "A Simple Mistake", so far no begining. If you want to know what its about PM me (Im too lazy to write it all out here ^.^;; ). Anyway this is part of the ending. When I finish writing the actual thing, I hope that it turns out better than what is written above. Advice is always welcome, because this is a story I plan to finish....er begin.
• Date: 07/15/2008
• Tags: sadasimplemistakedeathangel

Mom, Dad, My friends,

I'm really sorry, but what happened, happened. You can't change it nor can I. It's too late to save me, so don't even try. What I did was a simple mistake. One that can never be fixed. I want to be a lesson for everyone out there. But please Parents, don't yell at your child because you had a bad day, or because they asked for something. Don't yell at your child and tell them that their friends are stupid, and they shouldn't be around them anymore. To them friends are everything. Let your child see a movie or go to the mall with some friends. Even if it's just once or twice a year, it'll make a difference. And finally tell your child that you love them, everyday, because those three words can change everything, they can stop your child from disappearing forever.

I regret everything I did, and everything I didn't do. Mom dad, I'm sorry, and I Love you. Please forgive me. Robert, Sorako, Mike, and Delia, I'm sorry, I know that my life could have had a better ending, but as I said earlier I can't change the past. No one can change it.

Goodbye

Love,
Rémi.


And so Rémi's death was a lesson for her parents, teachers, friends, and students of her school. As time flew by, Rémi was never forgotten, and never will be. Her friends tell her story to their children, and when the time comes they'll tell them how it ends. Now, at the age of 25, Robbie, Sorako, Mike and Delia have brought their children to the park where the five friends first met. Rémi, who was sitting on a cloud above them, watched and listened to them.

"It's been 8 years since she left us." Delia said, Michael looked at her and smiled softly "Yeah." he added. Sorako sighed and looked up to the sky and said in a soft voice "She might be happier now." Robert looked at his three friends and said "She wouldn't want us to be sad; she'd want us to be happy, and smile. That's how she was. Smiling even though she was in so much pain. Rémi. We miss you, a lot."

Tears began flooding Rémi's eyes, and soon it began to rain slightly. Rémi shook her head and wiped her tears away, and smiled down at her friends. Her friends looked up at the cloud where she was sitting, "Mommy, What's wrong?" Aki, Sorako's 4 year old daughter asked. Sorako looked at her daughter and the 3 other kids standing beside their parents. She looked at her friends then said "Nothing. Nothing's wrong. Go pack up, we're going home soon." "Okay!" the little girl said and then ran off with her friends to pick up their toys.

"You know..." Sorako began, "...It feels like..." Michael said, "...The sky just..." Delia continued, "...Smiled at us" Robert finished.

Rémi smiled, and flew off her cloud towards the sunset.

"Dad!! Look!!" Chris, Robert's 4 year old son said as he pointed to the sunset. "A Rainbow!!!" Nadia, Delia and Michael's 4 year old daughter said.

Michael, Delia, Robert and Sorako looked at each other and smiled. As they walked home Sorako said "You know how we told you about our friend Rémi, well whenever you see a rainbow, you'll know that she's watching over you."
"She is??" Aki asked a bit confused. "Yes." Michael said. "But how??" Chris asked. "She's an angel, she'll watch over you forever and ever." Robert said with a smile on his face. The kids looked at each other and thought "Yup, Parents are crazy." and ran ahead of their parents into the orange sun.

Comments

[not nice person]

man the words r so tiny

[Rhoslyn]

Well written. Its interesting to write the end before you write the beginning, lol. The only thing I have to say is that damn text is so tiny I had a hard time reading it.

[Toastbusters]

This is riddled with cheeseballs, but it's not badly written - just really sappy.
Like Greenwitch said, the characters are such talking heads - names for bodies. There's five of them there, but they all do and say virtually the same thing.
Flesh out your cast, make them round - give them weakness and strength; make their grief real and you'll make the reader grieve right along.

[Pwale]

(Laughs) I like the "parents are crazy" part!

It seems a little overly-melodramatic to me, but of course this was clearly a sad story and what would a sad story be without melodrama? Nothing!

Nah, if I were to offer my advice with just this one thing, I'd say that you should make the personalities easily distinguishable. People don't grieve in the same way, so neither should the characters. People learn lessons in different ways and they live life in different ways.Thank you for writing!