drowing

• Artist: Inu-girl12000
• Description: did this when i ws sad
• Date: 07/31/2008
• Tags: oceandrowningdarkness

Like a dream
flowing and swifting
every thing dark
slowly you open you eyes

you cant breath
you try to swim up
but can only go down
you are drowning

every thing fades
then theres a bright light
then only darkness
befor you know it

its over...

Comments

[Jynx Dino]

that is a great poem. u should read it in one of those oetry contests.

[Zweit]

Cellofreak got to all the spelling tidbits.

Besides it being in the wrong forum, I don't think this is a very good piece. You may have written it when you were sad, but it's rather devoid of feeling and voice.

[Sean Brennans wife]

I think you meant to name it "drowning."
breath should be breathe
everything is one word
you should be your
cant should be can't
theres should be there's
befor should be before
its should be it's
Fix those and you'll probably get better ratings. Sorry if the mistakes were only there to give the piece an air of confusion, which I think was unintended.

[BellaCullen-twilight12]

really good

[Tanith Tainted Hope]

This isn't fiction, it's poetry.